What I learned from my first Relationship…

What I learned from my first Relationship…

This is a story about my first ever relationship It’s a story about consents and valuing how you truly feel Whilst it only lasted three months and you’ll find out why it abruptly ended I’m hoping this will serve as a message to anybody else that may be testing the water with being in a first relationship Or any kind of relationship and to know that if you are ever uncomfortable You can and should be vocal about it Always honor how you’re truly feeling I won’t be going into too much details. So if you came here looking for a juicy intimate and passionate story You’re in the wrong place, bud But I will say that while my BA first in animation doesn’t qualify me to be giving advice in any way This is purely a reflection as a 26 year old Looking at how I saw the world as a 13 to 14 year old so, you know Discretion is advised as well as common sense Anyway on with the tale So I changed in appearance quite drastically from 12 to 14 years old and not necessarily in a good way I decided to do a little experiment to see what it would take to become a popular girl I ended up dying my hair bleach blonde, I plucked my brows I mean, can you believe that thick brows were generally considered uncool back in 2007? I guess you could say they were Frowned upon I started wearing makeup and.. Began to diet which eventually spiraled into a long-term eating disorder that controlled most of my everyday life until I was 22 Do not recommend this Most unfortunate of all this behavior was reinforced by the fact that I did, in fact start drawing attention Other kids started noticing me boys took an interest in me So I guess my little sick science project proved successful to the dismay of humanity as a whole. Let’s all facepalm together now In my first comprehensive or high school, we had mandatory after-school clubs on Wednesday Yeah, that’s right. You were forced to attend to be frank I found it loathesome if I had actual friends to laugh and joke with it might have been a different story But as you can imagine sports clubs aren’t so appealing when you’re consistently the last one to be picked Not because I was bad at sport. Though in my third year (year nine for the Brits)
Where you at fam? They introduced a new woodworking club.
Now this.. This was my jam or.. this was my sap
Should I say? More prominently this would be where I met technically my first boyfriend, my first ever romantic experience Which in a few months, I’d learn a lasting life lesson from Cody was tall, slim, was subtly nerdy but also exceeded an air of confidence More than anything he had cute hair I was always a sucker for interesting hairstyles Despite him being in my year I’d never actually really seen him before This wasn’t entirely uncommon with the way our year groups were splits But as we started talking we immediately hit it off Our task at the woodworking Club was to build birdhouses for the school grounds And of course me being me went above and beyond in creating some elaborate Blueprints for this bird mansion essentially. Cody liked my idea so he was working with me. Inevitably we were forced to water down our original design But we laughed and joked every step of the way
and I forgot all of my worries in the world I felt like I had a real friend I wanted to be around him more. I couldn’t wait to see him.
We started organizing to hang out during our lunch breaks We were texting more and more. I started getting butterflies in my stomach whenever we were together Or whenever I got a message from him, I felt like “Oh, gosh, is this what it is to like-like somebody?
Is this what flirting is?” One day out of the blue one of Cody’s buddies approached me “Cody wants to see her he’s waiting for you downstairs.” I’m trying to do an internal screaming noise. How do you do an internal screaming when its internal? No So I March over to the dimly lit entranceway between the south side of the school and the the back outdoor area Where he was waiting for me This all seems so dark and romantic at the time and my heart was honestly beating out of my chest “Amy I’ve always loved you”
No, no no, no, no enough of that. That’s not how it went It’s not like the movies real life is really messy.
Don’t expect that I mean, it seems so dramatic at the time, but it was more along the lines of “So… Do you want to like, go out?” “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” “Uh… Yeah?” “Yeah, okay” Teens, we’re all inherently awkward I mean I was generally a shy teen but I must have got swept up in the moment Or maybe I was just thinking of the stuff that happens in the movies because I rushed forward and kissed him I vividly remember saying
“Huh. You taste like cookies” Then going ABSOLUTELY bright red,
realizing that I’d , uh.. Unintentionally said that out loud Thank the Stars the Bell immediately rang allowing me to just dart off and hide my beet colored cheeks He smiled and called after me.
“I’ll text you later” “You taste like cookies.”
Oh, why did I say that out loud? For the first few weeks of our “Relationship” I was still writing the high of this uncharted territory excited Every time I saw him on my lunch breaks, we would talk and joke around and had the occasional kiss I was more than content with this. I thought we were best friends, but he had feelings for me, too Everything that young teen me wanted
Everything that young teen me was comfortable with But that didn’t last long
Because that around a month in things started to change and.. I wasn’t so cool with it He started becoming more pushy and being more outwardly affectionate Wanting to make out more in public and I was uncomfortable with this But at the same time I just brushed it off as me being a shy young person He cared about me, right?
He wouldn’t do anything to intentionally make me uncomfortable and Yes, I should have voiced my concerns then. He started becoming more Handsy First subtly and secretly but then it became more obvious And I remember thinking at this point high on adrenaline. “I don’t I don’t think I’m okay with this But is this normal is this what people do when they date at my age? I’m am I being am I the one that’s being unreasonable here because he’s paying attention to me So shouldn’t I like this. Is there something wrong with me?” Yes, I absolutely should have mentioned that it made me uncomfortable at this point But 13-year old me had no idea what was considered normal and trust me. I was thinking about burning it up with him Stay with me folks Worst of all, I felt like I had no one to talk to
The one girl that I did kind of consider my Friend, she got jealous that I had a boyfriend and dumped me to go and hang out with some other Girls that were also making fun of me so I had no chance of talking to her I was afraid to bring it up with my mum in case she would belittle me somehow and I was too awkward to bring it Up with my dad because he’s my dad Our school didn’t have any Real counseling system in place and judging by how they treated my issues around being bullied in the past Which was essentially shake hands and be friends now get out of my office So I cautiously continued Meanwhile Contemplating what I should do if he ended up trying to persuade me into anything. I really didn’t want to do if I push him away now. He might leave me forever Yeah hormones can do wacky things to you.
Try not to let it get the better of your common sense I know from that age
I didn’t really understand what was going on But as it turns out Cody’s family were pretty wealthy Because for my birthday and for Christmas He bought me a white gold necklace and bangle I remember feeling so guilty that I couldn’t afford such fancy presents to reciprocate these gifts seemed Very grown-up. I mean the main thing I was looking forward to at Christmas was Pokemon diamond, you know I was a 13 year old kid For holiday treat his parents took us to a cinema that was out of town. They left us and they pick us up again Later, I can’t remember what film we saw I just remember him wanting to make out throughout the entire thing Pulling me closer and even though we sat in the back I felt kind of embarrassed that like anybody would have seen believe it or not I actually wanted to watch the film rather than stare into his tonsils in the car ride home. It was completely dark outside Sitting in the back of his parent’s 4×4 sharing earbuds from his ipod nano With coats over us like a blanket you probably think this sounds cute and it probably looked cute from an outside perspective, too But what you wouldn’t see from the outside was his increasingly wandering hands beneath the coats I was frozen his parents were in the front seats I felt like I couldn’t make a fuss because they’d notice I thought maybe The tension and the fixated gaze outside on the passing streetlights would speak louder than words to him Rigid in shock, but no Even then I should have been vocal in my little teen brain. I thought somehow I’d be blamed for this For making this son look bad I was scared to do anything or call him out and say “Please stop” I’d only just turned 14 and I wasn’t ready for this kind of behavior. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car.
I said quick thanks to his parents and ran to my door This was not something I wanted and that’s when I finally realized this isn’t right I don’t care what other people think they should be doing at my age But this is not what I want this wave of strength hit me And I knew I had to talk to him about this and I had to say something When I next saw him, he’d come to visit me at my parents house I thought at least I was an earshot of my mum in case there were any Serious problems I had told him I wanted to talk about something important But he just kind of brushed it off and we played some video games and then put a film on in my room Alone Kissing turned into More than kissing and again, I wasn’t comfortable with this So I finally said it I said no and I asked him to stop He asked if instead I’d be okay with being more adventurous with him to try new things That I didn’t need to be nervous and police say no Amy, you know, you don’t want this maybe one day but not now You’re not into this Listen to yourself, please and I did
I was scared to have to push him away But I told him that I really wasn’t ready for this and if we could go back to just taking it slow So we finished watching the film and he went home Over the remaining days of the holiday his text became more infrequent and distant after that night. I was worried about him I thought maybe I’d hurt his feelings or his pride I cared a lot about him But I knew in my heart and gut that it wasn’t right for me to do something that made me uncomfortable I didn’t see him again until we’d started back in school after the new year and he wasn’t answering my messages On my way to the canteen suddenly there. He is walking towards me with his friends I guess he knew he couldn’t avoid this forever pretty sure I was shaking but I stopped him and asked what was going on He thought I would have taken the hint.
He wasn’t talking to me. So I should have assumed that he had broken up with me “Well.. At least we could still be friends?” “Sure” The next day I saw him with another girl.
She was sitting on his lap and they were all over each other making out hard He wouldn’t tell me why he broke up with me, but it didn’t take a genius to guess I missed having him around to talk to But honestly, I was kind of relieved that I’d avoided being pressured into something. I really didn’t want to do Unfortunately My one again quotation marks friend that I had was still completely against me So I had nothing left I’d always hated this schoo,l the Welsh nationalist attitude, the kids, the lack of support I told my dad that I wanted to move schools and within the next two weeks, I left that place behind Just because I moved schools willingly doesn’t make it any less terrifying for a young teen to this day I am so gosh damn proud of myself A concoction of being insecure and the rampant peer pressure and the lack of support Was a recipe for disaster when being pressured into something that you weren’t ready for or even that you don’t want And yet I stood up for myself I listened to how I felt I said no and as a result I have no horrible regrets about it different people want different things out of relationship at different ages For some it’s a lot younger Others a lot older Some aren’t even fussed on it at all Always be respectful and honor how you’re feeling And this applies outside of a romantic setting Toxic friends trying to convince you to do something. You don’t want to? “Nope!” Family putting pressure on you to have kids when you know, you don’t want any? “No, Thank you!” your loved ones like raisins, but you know for a fact that they’re demon spawn? “Um… BYE!” Okay, maybe not that last one I’m sure you can think of more than a few instances where you gave in to peer pressure or did something against your true feelings Or morals, you will make these mistakes It’s part of growing up but know that you can and should stand up for yourself Educate yourself so that you’re more prepared for when it does happen.
Talk to your parents or those close to you It’s honestly not as embarrassing as you might think I may have fallen victim to a lot of other issues in my teens But being vocal about how I was feeling in that situation whilst I was still insecure of myself Standing up myself is a shining diamond of good Amongst my history of youthful decision making and I’m honestly so proud

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  1. Pin update no. 1

    I wanted to say, it wasn't necessarily wrong for 'Cody' to want to be more forward than me. Different people mature at different ages, but was absolutely not ok with it.
    The importance of this video lies in the fact that I plucked up the courage to actually tell him how I felt, rather than being afraid of being a bad girlfriend, or falling victim to peer pressure… and letting it spiral out of control… Because that could have happened.

    It was obviously pretty low that he ghosted me instead of actually telling me he'd broken up with me, and it was awful to see all over another girl immediately after this. This was the d-bag move.
    I never said he was abusive, he stopped when I finally said stop and told him that I was uncomfortable. But he obviously wanted a relationship to be fulfilling for him in a certain way that I knew I was waaaayyyyy too young for. The point is that I did make that call, and I'm so proud of 14 year old me for being brave enough to say no.

    But if I hadn't piped up, I probably would have ended up doing something I'd likely have deeply regretted. THIS IS MY POINT. If you're in a relationship, or think you may in future, know how imperative it is to have communication between you. Be a team, make sure you're both comfortable. Be vocal when you aren't.

    When I was 13/14 the internet was far inferior to how it is today, otherwise I might have had an easier way to reach out to other teens and get support… or learn from other's experiences.
    This is why I made this video.
    It's what I would have needed to hear at that age. It's a letter to myself. You should never feel pressured by a partner. Talk to them. Communication is so important.

    (Also, I feel ridiculous writing this, but some commenters have forced my hand… NO this absolutely not an attack on guys in general. Obviously this could happen in any relationship, coming from both guys and girls.)

  2. I'm pathetic but I'll probably be taller thean the boy

    Edit: waht I'm saying is I'm tall but I'm kinda dumb

  3. I’m 14 and I can relate to this video 100%. I encounter peer pressure every single day of my life and watching videos like this help a lot. Thanks a lot Amy ❤️

  4. Im a guy and im in my first relationship at 15 and i think you shouldn't try somthing new without asking the other person and if you feel the same and are in a relationship make that clear to your partner. 6 months yay

  5. I have a boyfriend and, we're both 11.
    Funny, I know, we're too young but, It's weird that i never saw any red flags in our relationship. We have so much in common, we never argued. We have been together for the past 4-5 months. It's Ldr. I never told my parents about this and I feel shitty having a relationship at such a young age. And, I can't leave him because, he's the only person I truly trust and the only person I could ever share my thoughts and stories. I feel like it's wrong because I'm really young and that kids shouldn't date yet. I don't want to break up with him but I feel like I should? I'm sharing this in here bc I just want some help. Plus I'm a kid and I'm too dumb to know much and explain things clearly.

  6. I honestly don't get it. I've been kissed 2 times I'M NOT EVEN A TEEN , I'M JUST GOT INTO MIDDLE SCHOOL, I'M ALSO VERY UNATRCKTIVE . LIKE I'M UGLY.

  7. I'm a boy thats14yrs(and 7days) old, I'm in the middle of a sort of relationship, and trust me, this guys is A FUCKING DICKHEAD WHO SHOULD BURN IN HELL FOR BEING A LITTLE STUPID AND SHITTY PERVERT!!! Excuse me.

  8. to be honest my ex girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue for other some other guy….after a couple more rejections i just decide to stop trying to get a girlfriend and focus on my career and education.

    now i'm gonna show not just myself but the world what i'm made of……after i finish highschool.

  9. Hey, I’m in a relationship right now and I’m scared of making her feel uncomfortable but I don’t know how to ask her if everything is going okay and that she feels comfortable with our situation. Any advice is welcome.

  10. I had this same issue with my first relationship I'm so sorry you had to go through that and you didn't feel comfortable talking to someone about your issue but I'm glad you were able to get away from it….its not always that easy

  11. 13 Year old Amy: Man, this relationship is going so well!
    Modern day Amy: Oh honey you got a big storm coming. *Snaps fingers*
    13 year old Amy: Oh…he’s a perv.

  12. I somehow had kind of the same experience. When i was 13, my parents divorced we me, my mom and my brothers needed to move. I was very sad and confused at the time. I hadnt much friend and was a weird child. I was befriended with a guy one year above me and I kinda fall in love, but we just texted. We did go on the same school but never really talked in real. Once we had a "date", but we just watched a movie and as soon the move ended he asked to kiss me. I didnt feel comfortable so i said no and we left. After that we kinda were together. He began to ask for nudes and asked if and how often I masturbate and that he reciefs nudes from other girls even junger than me. I was really unsure if this is right. I didnt play with it. After two week he broke up because i was boring and another girl was more interesting. Yes she was a year younger than me and yes she send him nudes.

    And I can tell u, I didnt lern my lesson.
    After that many other guys requested nudes from me and i played with it, just because I was so desperate for love. I thought this is the only way a guy can love me.
    Im lucky I dont have any consequences anfterwards ^^

  13. I didn't say no. I mean at first, but when it came down to it I didn't. Now granted, my feelings were less based on myself and more on my family's overly conservative views that I was on board with without questioning them… It still messed me up tho. It's not all bad tho, I ended up marrying her, and we have a smol child, and I love them, and she brought me food at work today. ❤️ But our relationship could have been a lot smoother.

  14. Wow that's literally me…………..ecxept i guess i am the cody and i haven't realize this…….. YET!!!! Thanks for opening my eyes for this. i will see if is a real problem with her and she dosen't want to talk about it

  15. The early 2000's… hellscape while growing up with social anxiety issues… If you didn't have a good understanding with your folks you are in for a nasty treat… Been there, and came out with social anxiety, not a sparkle of assertivity and low self esteem thanks to bullying… especially if you get diagnosed with autism later on… made it from playing the life game on hard mode to survival… last thing i was worrying about at age 13 was having a gf… more like prepping to survive another day in hell (school)

  16. What I learned from my first relationship

    Never date a guy who has anger issues and has trouble controlling his temper. Also who has trouble showing his feelings, because they expect you to know what is wrong and what they want EVERYTIME. Yeah, my first relationship wasn't that good, it only lasted a month, till I had enough of his behavior.

  17. I had the same thing happen to me..I was constantly bullied about my appearance and I decided at 13 that I wanted to fit in and so I did, I wore what the popular girls wore and did my make up lol I soon grabbed the attention of people and boys…I met this boy who gave me attention like no other person had and I immediately had a crush on him ? we talked and soon he asked me out…the relationship was going pretty well but he started being very touchy pretty soon (about a month in) I was uncomfortable but I never knew what to do…I was alone and the people I did know were all used to this..they encouraged me to give him what he wanted so I wouldn’t lose him (i really didn’t want to lose him)..in the end we ended up doing certain things I was very uncomfortable with but I didn’t lose my virginity (luckily) I wasn’t strong enough like you but I got lucky because he got tired of me and broke up with me before anything else could happen…I was heart broken but I’m looking back and I’m so glad he ended up liking another girl at that time lol after this he eventually spread rumors and I was back to being bullied..I kept denying them and luckily I made some friends because I wasn’t the first girl he did this to…years later though he apologized to me and told me he regretted everything he did to me but i didn’t really care anymore and I’m just glad that after all that mess I finally did learn how to say no (I’m 19 now)

  18. This is such a nice story and an important message that I hope a lot of people can take as advice, something like this happened to me a while back with my first boyfriend but I was too afraid to say no so I went along with everything even if I was uncomfortable and not okay with it, I wish I could’ve had that strength and bravery, it would’ve saved me a whole lot of regret

  19. hey you should consider adding the links to some resources to get help like the Trevor project and the domestic abuse hotline, and any the suicide hotline in the bio of the video! I think it’d be a great resource for those who are struggling due to a variety of circumstances 🙂

  20. Hey guys I could use some advice.

    I’m 19 and I just got into this relationship with this girl, my first serious one. I really just wanna know how do I find out her wants and her limits? Do I just explore and keep trying, and seeing what she’s okay with and what she isn’t and just respect her body and her word? Or do I just straight up ask her what her turn ons are and what she doesn’t want. I figured I’d just read the signs and see where things go.

    For example the other day I offered to eat her out through gestures while we were making out, and she said “not tonight”, and so I moved away and we ended up cuddling instead. I didn’t push her. I figured I handled it the right way.

    I don’t wanna be a “Cody”. I genuinely wanna make this last bit my inexperience May take a toll

  21. What I learned from my first relationship…. sometimes people aren’t what they seem and sometimes they’re only after one thing. They’ll degrade you until you give them what they want…. ? I didn’t give in and dumped that dude ?

  22. Me and my boyfriend didint even kids till our second date, and we are almost 3 months in and last week we started getting handsy with each other XD hell it took us a month after we were officially dating to even make out XD I’m totally fine with that though haha

  23. You think ghosting is bad? Whoo wee, my first girlfriend (I was in elementary) decided she couldn’t wait until after my birthday or until the end of the day to break up with me. I still remember the song she sang
    “Happy birthday to you,
    Sorry that I dumped you
    My parents found ooouuut
    Happy birthday to you”
    She told me her parents weren’t okay with her dating, but I know for a fact that was false, and as I had moved schools a lot, I came to found out she had dated and made out with just about every boy in that class. The only reason she dated me, apparently, was she showed her friends my little note that said I liked her and they dated her to date me. She eventually got bored and dumped me on my birthday the second I walked into class. Fun birthday when I’m crying the whole time, huh? If she ever sees this, fuck you, dude

  24. Fun fact I think most girls that age having their first experiences with boys and relationships and physical contact in that manner. And unfortunately many don't get this realisation or don't have the courage to speak up for themselves. So … I'm proud of you ?

  25. I learned not to date furries. When you want to be serious, they act all "cute" and like a cat. And then get mad when you get mad. I'm talking about you Desiree! YES, IM STILL SALTY AND MAD!

  26. I feel like this happened or is happening to lot of people. unfortunately, so many don't have enough confidence to tell them to stop

  27. Keep in mind, us guys are retarded. The expressions of a girls liking and not liking of a situation blur into nothing. Words and gestures are the only thing. If that don't work, crush his testicles

  28. Reminds me of my first real relationship when I was 17. Not exactly the same but the same general problem. That's just life I suppose.

  29. Thank you, thank you, thank you for speaking out about this. This happened to me and I am thankful that I am not the only one?

  30. Its best to keep observing
    People rarely show their true selves to people when they've become long time friends.even so the amount they show is so little

    I've known my best m8 for at least five years and im still seeing sides i havent seen from him

    Same goes for dates.jumping into relationships blind is never a good option

  31. How to survive school life without friends:

    Roam around campus like a ghost and eventually all time will pass.I was not the only one to do this
    (This may result in changes in mental health,for better or for worse.i was lucky to have the former)

    You would just need to wait for someone right eventually crossing into your life

  32. I can't stress how important it is for schools to have proper counseling systems. Students should have access to a place where they can feel safe and a person they can trust.

  33. 21 years old, have only been in one relationship, will never be in another one because she showed me how all you women actually think.

  34. I feel like I might be pushing my gf a lil..? I really don’t wanna lush he4. I love and care about her but sometimes she wants to be very passionate and other times she acts like we aren’t dating. Ik this is my fault bc I crave her attention but I’ve tried to calm myself down and slow down :/ I hope I never hurt her feelings

  35. Wtfffffff,,,,,,, this is a perfect representation of MY first relationship and what IIIIIIII learned. My first relationship was very traumatizing for me but I learned a lot from it, now I’m with someone that makes me happier than ever and actually respects my boundaries ?

  36. No offense or disrespect but she lost me at the word "Consent" at 0:05 im not waisting anymore of my time watching this crap

  37. bruh what is it with the nummbers you have 100.000 exactly likes 1000 exactly dislikese (idk why dont ask me) and exactly 363.000 subscribers XD

  38. Something I learned from my first relationship is! Communication!!! I was in the wrong in my situation, I ended up automatically breaking up with her instead of talking about my concerns (I was stupid) and then on my second “relationship” I learned that you can’t force someone to like you, and don’t change who you are for them (unless you’re changing for the better) but yeah don’t let one person be the center of life for ya! Love yourself always

  39. Fuck this video, and fuck you. You deserved a big, toxic relationship. He was right, you’re sick and should die! Go love on a woman or something because I know you don’t support and don’t ever deserve to be near a man.

  40. My first boyfriend undid my bra while I was shaking and too frozen to say anything. He only apologised the day after and it didn't seem very sincere. We still ended up staying together for 5,5 more months..

  41. This happened with me and my still to this day bf and I stood up for myself and understood and we have started taking things much slower and I’m so happy to have someone in my life who understand and genuinely cares.

  42. A relationship can be a complicated thing to work if your being pressured into doing things that your not comfortable with just to satisfy other peoples need or expectation. If a person really loves one another they would not push their relationship partner into doing things that make them uncomfortable without talking to one another and voicing out / standing up for yourself and learn to say NO when things go too far and better to explain your reason why you say NO to make things clear for them to understand. (speaking from my past experience)

  43. I have no good history of dating
    I dont even have friends irl at internet i have some but they are too far away to visit me or they dont have time
    I dont even have support from my family

    I visiting therapist bc of depresion i am going throw which includes more problems i have but that is other story

  44. I love how this isn't a story of someone using their age as an excuse to do dumb stuff. Even with her age she knew what she wanted and was able to hold her opinion. I hate when people use their age as an excuse and its nice to see stories like this.

  45. What kind of necklaces is that? It kind of reminds me of a protoss emblem from Starcraft. either way its sick.

  46. Sorry if this is annoying but, I'll lighten the mood. I like this girl let's Call her Sarah. We are both 13 and she has had the same kind of story as you. I'm going to ask her out we have been talking for 8 months she is in my class. I think I really really like her. I think she does as well, but don't worry I will be very kind. Im doing it in 3 days. I shall walk her home. I am not asking for likes. but I will need luck. I will edit this with the result. Thanks

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