Genkins: Let’s see now. Hmm, no. No. (quickly) No, no, no, no! Too fast- Too furious! (chuckle) Donut gets trapped under a heavy object. Hmm, sure why not? Actually just one more time. (Laughs) Never gets old. (Everwhen zapping) Genkins-Church: (throat clearing) Sheila, stay here. If anybody moves, shoot ’em. Donut: (groan) Why the heck is Wash taking so long? Well, there’s my cue to get trapped under Sister’s Pelican, lucky me. Sarge: Donut, get back here. Wait for the ship! Donut: (muttering) Exhale and impact, Exhale and impact. Hate my life, hate my life, oh god, oh god I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life, oh my god I’m gonna hate my life. Genkins: Think fast! Donut: Grenade?! (explosion) Genkins: Uh, my grenade slipped. Also my grenade pin. (muttering) And so by saving Donut.. (Pelican crashing) I doom him! (laughs) Donut: Holy baloney! Genkins: Ugh, so unsatisfying! Wait.. Sarge is waiting for reinforcements, Tucker just gave birth to Junior and Donut was meant to be crushed under a Pelican. So I’m in the right place, but I didn’t make an alternate reality. Where is my alternate reality?! Donut: What the.. there was never a grenade! But that means.. Donut: You!
Genkins: You! Donut: I got you now you fu- (Pelican crashing) Sarge: Ah-ha! Here comes victory, Two Pelicans! Heck of a reinforcement. Announce our cavalry’s arrival Simmons. Simmons: The collective noun for a group of Pelicans is a Scoop. Sarge: (Laughs) Thank you Simmons! Well Blues, You had your fun and it’s over! If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to postpone your crushing defeat for a moment longer as I have prepared a short speech. Simmons, like we practiced. (Simmons making beat noises)
Sarge: Ahem. You are Blue. (Simmons making beat noises)
Sarge: And we are Red. (Simmons making beat noises)
Colors clash and clash we have. (Simmons making beat noises)
But colors mix too. (Simmons making beat noises)
I look back at our time here in the gulch and wonder what could have been achieved together. (Simmons making beat noises)
And is it too late for a combined Red-Blue force built on trust? (Simmons making beat noises)
Cooperation and dare I say, mutual respect? The answer.. (Simmons making beat noises)
Is yes, of course! (Simmons making beat noises)
We will erase your seeds, creeds and deeds from recorded history and pile your nameless bodies into the earth! (Simmons making beat noises)
I concede that on occasion, You were the tactically superior force and though this is a grave sin in the eyes of Sarge (Simmons making beat noises)
You have my- well not my respect obviously but something similar. Grif the bugle! (Simmons making beat noises)
Grif: (Groan) Fine. (Simmons making beat noises)
(Grif making bugle noises)
Sarge: Blues, do not cry and pee your pants. I beg you! For you tried your best and failed. (Simmons making beat noises)
(Grif making bugle noises)
And truly in war there is nothing more pathetic than that. (Simmons making beat noises)
(Grif making bugle noises)
In the battle to be the most upsettingly pathetic and lame, you have lain waste to my forces and I. (Simmons making beat noises)
(Grif making bugle noises)
Congratulations. Now if I may direct your attention to get the heck out of here, (Simmons making beat noises)
(Grif making bugle noises)
We’ll begin our move in to Blue Base which has always been better kept and has softer upholdry. We’ll begin our move in to Blue Base, which has always been better kept and has softer upholdry. Simmons: (muttering) Yeah, yeah, I guess, Y’know.
Grif: (muttering) Excellent yeah, I agree. Doc: Um, could this wait until Tucker’s recovered from giving birth to an alien? Sarge: No! (Pelican thrusters activating) Sarge: Hey, what is that? Simmons: I think that’s defeat sir, snatched from the jaws of victory. Sarge: Noooooooo! You’re gonna get it Blues! Grif: Great. Great save. (Everwhen cracking) Genkins: (laughs) Wait, why did- No! (Donut moans in pain) Caboose: Washington.
Washington: Hey buddy. Caboose: Who’s your friend, I like their armor.
Wash: That’s Carolina. Grif: Oh Carolina! Hey old… buddy? Grif: Wait, where do I know you from?
Simmons: Oh, don’t tell me, are you famous? I remember someone filming a movie about you- Caboose: OH MY GOD IT’S BRUCE WILLIS. Grif: I don’t think she’s famous… Sister: Oh hey guys! ..Guys? Some guys I know? T-That’s weird. Hi everyone. …I’m gonna go. Simmons: Hey, I know you too! Caboose: Neil Armstrong, that is who you are. Sister: I’m Grif’s sister. His wombre, like hombre, but womb. Does-does that even make sense? I-I tell jokes when I’m panicking. Sarge: Grif’s sister?
Sister: Yeah. Sarge: In some ungodly third primary color? made of Grif’s DNA? (Shotgun cocks) Wash: Sarge, no!
Donut: No, No, No! Grif: Sarge, you know her that’s my sister. Sarge: I do?
Grif: Yeah. Wait, yeah do you? Caboose: OOOOHHHH, I’m asleep, none of you are real. Donut: Wash.
Wash: Donut, I didn’t mean to take so long, I had to find Carolina and then- Donut: No, Wash you did it man. You got us all together. Thanks! Wash: Hey, it was your idea. Sarge: (off-screen) I feel weird! Wash: You should go and wake ’em up though, Sarge seems upset. Sarge: (off-screen) It feels like *I’ve* been Sarge’d! Wash: Go blow some minds.
Donut: Sure, sure. Sarge: Oh, what have I been doing to people? Donut: Okay guys, listen up. You all know each other, right? Sister: Uh yeah?
Genkins: (desperately) No! Donut: You all know this guy, right? Grif: Yeah that’s Wash. Caboose: Yes hello Washington, how is your neck? Wash: Fine, thank you Caboose. Genkins: No! (Throat clearing) (panicking) None of us know each other! They’re lying! Wash: Whatcha freaking out for Church? Donut: Carolina, you know these people? Carolina: I’m not saying anything until someone tells me what’s happening. Caboose: I know you, hi Carolina. Donut: And where do you know Carolina from? Sarge: Well there was… Wait that’s confusing. I know her from that one place, but where did I.. I.. I can’t remember how I- Caboose: Oh yeah, that’s- the future! That’s where I knew you from, man that was driving me crazy, that was really good, you were really good in that. Sister: Whoa.. WHOA. Donut: But how can you know someone from the future Caboose? Carolina, where do you know these people from? Carolina: Places I’ve never been. Right? Am I.. dreaming? Donut: Now who would you say is missing here? Carolina: …Lopez and Tucker. Donut: Who are they? Carolina: I don’t.. I don’t know. I-I mean- Donut: How can you know their names? Genkins: (desperately) She doesn’t! This is all a Red trick! Wash: (condescendingly) You don’t sound like yourself Church, you got a frog in your throat? Genkins: (frustrated growl) Donut: And Carolina, riddle me this- Wash: Donut.
Donut: Sorry, got caught up. Donut: (inhale) Ok Donut, here goes. Hard mode, no sexual innuendo. Donut: Guys, this is the past. You are trapped reliving your lives, You can fix this if you realize this isn’t really happening. The last real thing that happened was your attempt to save Wash from being hurt, and my friends, I’m afraid to say it made everything go.. Penis. (to himself) DAMMIT! Guys, gotta ask yourselves this question, how can you all know each other but not know each other? (Multiple Everwhen zappings) (Sister screaming)
Simmons: I’m gonna throw up!
Grif: Holy shit! Carolina: Oh my god we… guys? Did we break the universe? Simmons: Everything went white!
Sister: The fuck am I doing back in Blood Gulch?! Grif: Aw, am I dead? Am I in Hell? Caboose: Guys yes, you see we’re in the past. See, I worked it all out a minute ago, if you just take a second to collect your thoughts, I will be happy to explain everything to you. Sarge: My god damn (unintelligible) is back. Sarge: Tender nips (muttering)
Carolina: Wash, you’re here! Are you okay? (emotionally) I’m so sorry. I feel like the worst fucking person in the whole world. Wash: Carolina I-
Carolina: I should have told you that you were injured I know that now, I was just trying to protect you but that was stupid ‘cuz you don’t need protecting and I was just so worried about you and I didn’t want to upset you but it sent you away and- Wash: Stop. Carolina: What? But- Wash: I don’t care about my injury, forget about that. Carolina: I don’t understand. Wash: You’ve.. Your life.. Carolina, you’ve survived things that would have broken me. Broken anyone. Do you even know how far you’ve come? You are so cool. I am so proud of you. I’m always gonna be your friend. Carolina: Really? And.. And you’re okay? You’re not hurt? Wash: I’m okay. We’re okay. Genkins: Alright, gloves are off Shisno. Carolina: Who’s that? Wash: (sigh) Genkins possessing Church. Grif: Hey, that guy ruined pizza! Donut: And time, and space. Grif: Yeah, that too! But mostly pizza. Genkins: If you think you’re upset now, wait till you hear what I did to Huggins! Grif: What? Genkins: Sheila, be a dear and kill everyone! Caboose: Excuse me.
Genkins: What? Caboose: Uh, you’re not Church. Genkins: And?
Caboose: Can you put his body down please? Genkins: Hm, the halfwit. Out of my way now or else I- Caboose: Uh yes sorry, I should explain. You see I-I killed Church and um I kept his helmet. Sarge: (off-screen) Badass!
Caboose: And when he died, and-and he died a lot, I-I’d sit with him and feel um… …not better, but um… It’s complicated. You see, when someone dies, my brain likes to hurt me with memories and uh yeah, I don’t know why. Genkins: Do you have a point? Well after Epsilon went away, holding the helmet helped me think, Cuz it hurts to look at. Does that make sense? It hurt me so that I didn’t have to. Yeah, grief-grief is weird but these days I like to feel better and you’re making me sad, SO PLEASE PUT HIS BODY DOWN! Genkins: Hmmmm, no. Caboose: (aggressively) Put. It. Down. Genkins: Or what? Caboose: AAARRGHHH! GIVE ME BACK CHURCH!
(Genkins yelling) (Caboose and Genkins yelling) (Everwhen zapping)
Caboose: I’VE NEVER BEEN MAD!! Church: AGH! Caboose, what the hell man?!
Caboose: CHURCH YOU ARE BACK!! Caboose: I KEEP HITTING NOW!!
Church: Stop hitting me! Caboose: ARGH YOU ARE (Inaudible) Church: Caboose cut it out, seriously!
Caboose: ARGH IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!! Caboose: I AM URINATING INSIDE MY SUIT RIGHT NOW!! Caboose: I AM REALLY URINATING INSIDE MY SUIT RIGHT NOW!!
Delta: (glitching) Alpha detected. Er-Error. Caboose: ARGH I’M STILL PEEING!!
(Everwhen cracking) Caboose: ARGH I’M STILL PEEING!!
Wash: Shit, paradox, right. Caboose: WHY AM I STILL PEEING?!
Wash: Shit, paradox, right. Caboose: I’M SORRY I’M FREAKED OUT NOW!!
Carolina: What just happened? And where’s Tucker? Donut: I think today he’s giving birth to an alien? Wash: ooooooohhhhh.
Carolina: What? Donut: Hey Doc. Past Doc: Donut, man, I’m so confused what is going on? Donut: It’s easier if I don’t explain. (whispering) Doc is dead. Both: ooooohhhhhh Donut: I had to kill him. Hey Doc, buddy. Can you go revive Tucker? Sister: Dibs! Tucker needs to be debriefed. Grif: Yeah.. Wait, what? Sister: Doc follow my lead. Past Doc: Uh, o-okay? Sister: This is gonna be so fucking fun. Sarge: I’m as stumped as a headless quadriplegic. Grif: This feels weird, right? Back me up Simmons. Simmons: I neither understand nor like it. Wash: We’ll explain everything. Or should I say Donut will. He’s good at it. Grif: Before we start, do you guys know what Genkins meant about Huggins? Sarge: It sounded like he killed her.
Donut: Uh no man, sorry. No idea. Grif: Nuts. Huggins: (flashback) The Reds and Blues are going back in time again. I have to tell Atlus! It’s urgent! Genkins: Well now, That is news. Huggins: So? Can I go? Genkins: Not quite. (chuckle) After all you must be punished. Huggins: Punished? For what? (Black hole opening) Huggins: What? (screaming) Huggins: No! Nooooooo! Huggins: (screaming) Huggins: No, no, no, no! A black hole! This is how my parents died! Oh god, I’m gonna die! You’re gonna be ok. Sing a little song! (singing) Light is information and cannot be destroyed, light’s information so cannot be destroyed. I am information and I can’t be destroyed. (sigh) I don’t want to die. Oh uh… That’s something. -Hey, thanks for checking out that episode of Red vs. Blue: Singularity. We’re re-releasing the entire season every week on this channel, so stay tuned. -Go to RoosterTeeth.com if you want to see new RvB PSAs. We release a new one every week for free. -Yeah and if you want to stay up to date on everything RoosterTeeth Animation related, Subscribe to our Channel.