Final Fantasy XIII In a Nutshell! (Animated Parody)

Final Fantasy XIII In a Nutshell! (Animated Parody)


*Zoooooom* Sazh: This… is a bad idea! Mr. Lawyer: Ok Stop right now! Lightning: What are you doing… what’s this!? Mr. Lawyer: This is a cease and desist order! Lightning: What for!? Mr. Lawyer: This whole black guy with a gun and soldier with a sword… Sneaking onto a train and breaking past military defences and fighting a giant robotic scorpion… In a condemned place… has been played out previously by MY clients. Lightning: It’s just a homage! Mr. Lawyer: It’s plagiarism is what it is! We’ll be taking this to court. Mr. Lawyer: Miss Farron… and Mr. Katzroy. Sazh: I told you this was a bad idea! Snow: Ok… what’s an annoying way to show i’m a main character? Snow: Oh I know! Snow: Hey everyone… I’M A HERO! Heckler: YOU’RE A F***** LOSER! Snow: NO I’M A F****** HERO YOU C*** I JUST SAID SO! Gadot: You go Skirt chasin’ and I watch the kids… Gadot: Heh… some husband! Snow: Oh here we go! You’re always undermining me! Gadot: What!? Snow: I’m hard at work… day in… day out… bread-winning for our family… …and all I ask for in return is a little leisure time… Snow: And you’re going to belittle our MARRIAGE!? Gadot: Dude it’s a joke… we”re… not really married… Snow: Oh so it’s just one big joke to you IS IT!? Gadot: Geez calm down… you’re acting crazy!! Snow: Oh so i’m CRAZY NOW AM I!? Gadot: Dude… you”re nuts. Snow: THAT’S IT… I’VE HAD IT! I WANT A DIVORCE! Judge Recoloured-Balthier: By the power invested in me by the state of Bodhum… …This divorce is now legally binding! Full custody of the uh… kids… …Will go to Snow! Court Dismissed! *intense gavel slamming* Gadot: The… f*** just happened!? *Cheerful Vaudeville Super Mario Bros. 2 music* *DRAMATIC MUSIC* *Cheerful Vaudeville Super Mario Bros. 2 music* Snow: NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Snow: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Insane laughter and machine gun sounds* Snow: Hah hah… Snow: Ah she’s f****** dead. Hope: Pulse this… L’cie that… Hope: Purge here… Fal Cie there… …this story makes no god damn sense! Vanille: Damn it! Read the Datalog! Hope: No! Reading is for nerds. Vanille: People like you are everything wrong with society. *Magical Crystal noise* Lightning: Even though the Fal Cie did this… …I blame you and will continue to blame you long after. Snow: Why!? Lightning: Because you exist! Snow: Come on guys… Let’s fight this all powerful deity that curses all who approach it to do its bidding… …and turns them into an army of living dead if they fail the vague tasks they are set! Sazh: Bitch are you serious!? *Dexters Laboratory title card theme* Psicom Grunt: Primarch Dysley… we found a Pulse Fal Cie in Bodhum… …Only one person was branded, but everyone else is safe. Dysley: Splendid… kekekeke… Dysley: Kill them all… we’ll call it a purge! Psicom Grunt: Uhh… what? Dysley: You heard me… KILL THEM ALL! Psicom Grunt: But sir… all you need to do is dispose of the Fal Cie… …there’s no need to kill an entire town over it. Dysley: KILL…. THEM… ALL! Psicom Grunt: This will affect your public image in a bad way… …People will rebel and likely overthrow you. Dysley: Did I f****** stutter? …KILL THEM ALL! Psicom grunt: Fine… …dick. Lightning: well we’re all fugitives and pulse
fal’cie bitches now. …if we’re going to get anywhere… we’re going to need a map. Sazh: Well it’s good to know we won’t get lost! Snow: I’ll stay here… you guys go! *chip chip chip chip* DENIED *Heavy breathing* Fang: G;day mate! Put another shrimp on the barbie Didgeridoo! Snow: HAHAHAHAHAH SAY MORE THINGS!!! Fang: Awright skipper! Yer comin’ with me! Strewth! Snow: AHAHAHAHA… different accents are funny. Lightning: Ok I REALLY hate all of you… …So I say we split up even further. Hope: I’ll go with you so people can creepily ship us as a couple! Vanille: A teenage girl and an older black guy… together? Sazh: What can go wrong? *cough cough* Sazh: I meant ‘cos of our clashing backgrounds you sick f***s! Snow: Hehehehe… hey… say Wallaby! Fang: Wallaby. Snow: Hehehe… say Dingo! Fang: Dingo. Snow: Hehehehe… say Koala! Fang: Koala. Snow: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Snow: What ARE Wallabies, Dingos and Koalas!? Snow: No seriously I don’t know i’m f****** stupid. Fang: I don’t know! So stop making me say them! Hope: I HATE SNOW! HE KILLED MY MOTHER!>:( Lightning: No… he accidentally lost grip of her hand causing her to fall to her death… …but yeah I hate Snow too, take my knife and kill him. Lightning: A couple of potions… some ethers… ooh a new sword! Some armour… Hope: So… none of these vendors think to report to PSICOM… …that someone is buying medical supplies… weapons… AND Armour at regular intervals!? PSICOM General: Any Pulse l’cie sightings to report? PSICOM Grunt: No sign of them in the WhiteWood… Vile Peaks OR Sunleth Waterscape… PSICOM Grunt: Hmmm… uh…. PSICOM Grunt: Someone keeps buying lots of weapons and armour from the vendor terminals… near the Pulse L’cie sighted areas! PSICOM Grunt: Hoho but that could be ANYONE doing their weekly shopping! PSICOM General: Oh what a great world we live in! PSICOM General: …that dangerous weapons are readily available at low prices to anyone on the street with COMPLETE anonymity! PSICOM General: …wait a sec… Lightning: So for my birthday… you get me a knife and tell me you’re engaged to this douchebag!? Lightning: Why don’t just you s*** in my cornflakes too whilst you’re at it!? Serah: But Lightning! I love him! Can’t you just be happy for us? Lightning: Bitch please… I can’t even be happy when i’m getting myself off. Lightning: What makes you think bringing home white trash will make a difference? Serah: You don’t know him like I do! I can change him! Snow: I’M A HERO! ๐Ÿ™‚ Lightning: Of course you are… Snow: Why… do you have an Australian accent? Fang: Well I come from Pulse… a wild land filled with DANGEROUS creatures which is below Cocoon! Fang: So I come from the land down under! *Badum Tss*>:( Drum riff guy: You don’t scare me as much as Kefka. *Badum Tss intensifies* *Sensual noises from Vanille* *Sensual noises change to light orgasm* Sazh: Do you HAVE to make those noises everytime you do ANYTHING!? *light orgasm noises become full blow moans* Sazh: Look I PROMISE you she’s older than she looks! Hope: We can sneak in through there!I’m the only one who knows about it. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Lightning: You mean that giant pipe over there with the massive hole in it that’s not hidden away at all? Lightning: You’re the ONLY one who knows about it? Hope: Uhhhhhhh… yes? Lightning: We need to split into groups we know… and trust. Lightning: Hope, you go with the guy you have told me several times you intend to kill! Lightning: I’ll go with the Australian lesbian. Fang: HEY! I am NOT Australian! Fang: C’mon then! Let’s get a gander at your L’cie brand! Lightning: I… I’d rather not. Fang: Don’t be shy! Lightning: *sigh* fine… *boobage* Fang: Nice… nice! Fang: Uh uhhh I mean… yeah… uh… …it’s hard to tell what stage the brand is in… …Why don’t you take your kit off and jump about a bit so I can get a more accurate reading? Lightning: Ummm… ok… ๐Ÿ˜€ *BOOM* *I need a hero intensifies* Snow: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *Splat* Snow: OW! Snow: Really… regret… saving this… wiener kid… *Stab* *Unsolicited house call* Hope’s Dad: Hope… oh my god… is that you!? Hope: Hey dad! Moms dead. Hope: Can I come in for a sandwich? Hope: Oh and these are my friends now… we’re all L’cie! Hope: Oh oh and i’m a L’cie now too! Hope’s dad: Nice to see you too… Lightning: Stand your ground guys! Hope: We are fighting a Giant Sky Tank… Hope: With a sword… Boomerang and a Spear! *RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT* Sazh: Even though we’re fugitives feared by the whole world let’s watch a parade and f*** around with Chocobos! Vanille: I’m starting to really regret going with you. Sazh: No… Dajh… No… Jihl: Hehehehe… and it’s all thanks to your little Pulse friend over there! Vanille: Hey! It’s not my fault your little turd of a son ran off and you didn’t keep an eye on him! Sazh: Well that was a fun boss battle! Now where were we? Vanille: You were going to shoot me in the face. Sazh: Ah yes I remember now… Sazh: How could you! He was just a kid! Sazh: He was my little boy! Vanille: Please remember… I DID just help you defeat a very tough boss… Sazh: Good point… Sazh: I’ll kill myself instead! Vanille: You LITERALLY just obtained your Eidolon… Vanille: No one’s going to believe you actually kill yourself- *BOOM HEADSHOT* *Gasp* Vanille: Holy sh**, oh my god! Vanille: Fang! Fang: Vanille! *Innocent hug* ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Vanille: Yeah, just flash my ass for everyone to see… I don’t mind. Fang: Hmmmm hard to get an accurate reading Sheila… Fang: Get yer pants off so I can take a better look! Vanille: Not gonna fly bub. Fang: Awwww…. *SPACE POPE MAGIC NOISES* Barthandelus: I am Fal Cie… Barthandelus: My name is Barthandelus… Barthandelus: Voice of the Sanctum… Barthandelus: And Lord Sovereign of the Cocoon Fal Cie! Mr. Lawyer: Stop right there! Lightning:Oh what now!? Mr. Lawyer: I am here to represent my client Cagnazzo. Lightning: What!? What on earth are we have supposed to have done to him!? Mr. Lawyer: This scenario of a corrupt ruler of state… …Being a horrible powerful monstrosity in disguise. …Has been done by Cagnazzo previously. Lightning: You’ve got to be kidding me… Mr. Lawyer: Plagiarism is no laughing matter Miss Farron… Mr. Lawyer: We’ll see you in Court……… Again. Sazh: Do you have ANY original ideas!? Lightning: How is this MY fault!? Barthandelus: Sooooo am I like… sued or something or is this a bit? Cid Raines: Mwahahaha! I am an EVIL CID! *Ahem*>:( Cid Raines: I mean I uhhhhhh uhhh…. Cid Raines: Uhhh I’m an Anti Hero Cid…… maybe…? Mr. Lawyer: Ehhhhhhh… Lightning: Well… it took three quarters of the game to get here… Lightning: But we’re finally not travelling in a straight line anymore! Lightning: Multiple paths lay before us… the world is our Oyster! Lightning: We can go wherever we want! *Violent wildlife noises* *Dying Chocobo noise* RAWR! HOREY SHET *yoink* RAAAAAWR *nom* Sazh: I don’t like it… Lightning: Let’s get back to Cocoon as soon as possible. Lightning: Paradigm shift! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Vanille: *Orgasm* ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Vanille: *Intense Orgasm* When Harry Met Sally Lady: I’ll have what she’s having. Snow: Ooooh… OWWWW! Lightning: Just get into a random battle and your HP will recover after you win. Lightning: You’ll be fine. Snow: OWWWWW! *dead* F Snow: COME AT ME BRO! *Squish* Sazh: Hold up guys! One second… Sazh: Ah there we go… Sazh: Chocobo Poop! ๐Ÿ˜€ Lightning: Ewwww… Choco Chick: KWEH! ๐Ÿ˜€ Lightning: Don’t worry guys… as the main party leader… I got this! YEET Sazh: Wait… Sazh: What!? Sazh: How is that a game over? We’re still standing! Sazh: I have a Phoenix Down! Sazh: Hey, don’t you fade out on me! Lightning: Ok guys… let’s scale this Tower! Mr. Lawyer: STOP RIGHT THERE! Lightning: Oh come on… lemme guess… Lightning: We ripped off a giant ancient and mystical tower containing various powerful enemies… …and super bosses, with complicated and awkward methods of climbing it… …from Final Fantasy 3 and 12. Mr. Lawyer: Actually no one owns that concept… …I’m here on behalf of Final Fantasy fans everywhere with a class action Law Suit! Lightning: What? Mr. Lawyer: The fans feel you have cheapened the Final Fantasy brand and dragged it to an un-salvageable level… …You are being sued for damages to the franchise. Mr. Lawyer: They said you are literally worse than Hitler. Lightning: They sound like a bunch of entitled whiny bitches to me. Mr. Lawyer: yes they are. But they are many… and you are not. Mr. Lawyer: We’ll see you in Court yet AGAIN Miss Farron. Sazh: This is all YOUR fault! Sazh: Everyone got sick of moody serious main characters six games ago! Serah: Hey there fellow Flesh Vessel… Serah: My human organs are moistened and in position for disgusting mortal coitus… Serah: …If you know what I mean… Snow: SERAH! ๐Ÿ˜€ *Intense make out session* Sazh: Oh that’s just nasty… *Intense make out session, but gay* Lightning: Sweet, an Airship! Lightning: A staple of the Final Fantasy series representing freedom to explore the world! Lightning: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand it only goes to one destination. Snow: Damn it, if only this door would open conveniently right after I bang on it! Gadot: Hey guys, remember us from the start of the game!? Snow: No. Gadot: Oh……. well… Gadot: See ya! *ZOOM* Yaag Rosch: Go…… Save Cocoon! Yaag Rosch: Make your choice! Yaag Rosch: I will hold them off! Yaag Rosch: I’m………………Yaag Rosch by the way. BOOM Lightning: Did he seriously just blow himself up to save us from two enemies we’ve killed hundreds of easily already!? Sazh: Who was he again? Lightning: I dunno… Lightning: Yaag… something… second name begins with R… I think…? Lightning: I dunno. I don’t think anyone really cares. Lightning: This is it guys… the final battle! This is our final fight! Lightning: Well… the final fight for three of us… Lightning: That’s just how the battle system works… Lightning: But it’ll be like we all worked together… right? Sazh: God dammit I hate you. Barthandelus: Even though I need you guys to kill Orphan for me… Barthandelus: I will try to kill you all… …AGAIN! Lightning: …why? Barthandelus: I AM NOT A VERY WELL WRITTEN VILLAIN! Orphan: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ๐Ÿ˜€ Sazh: It’s the final… final… FINAL boss! Sazh: …a baby head on a wheel…? Sazh: Ok a bit weird but I can roll with it! Lightning: Let’s end this! We live to make the impossible possible! Lightning: THAT…. is our focus! Sazh: Actually… our focus is to become Ragnarok and destroy Cocoon. Lightning: Sazh… just… Lightning: Ok…. y’know? *Deus ex machina magic* Narrator: And so… the goddess etro took pity on our heroes… And intervened to release EVERYONE… including Serah and Dajh… from their crystal stasis. Why she didn’t intervene a lot sooner? I don’t know. Anyway… here’s some Leona Lewis… remember her? No? Me neither… the song doesn’t even make sense regarding Final Fantasy. I’ve never seen Lightning poop let alone get in the shower or put on make-up. But i’m getting sidetracked… Everyone lives happily ever after… except for the Australian lesbians. But don’t worry! Just play two more games and everyone’s happy again… except for the fans. *KILL STREAK* WoL: We… hic… did it Squall! WoL: We saved Christmas! Squall: What the hell man! You just killed them!! Squall: Gah… I thought we were just gonna talk to them… y’know? Squall: Talk them out of having sequels… and how are you drunk on just one beer? WoL: Look here Leon… WoL: We did this to save the… hic… series! Squall: You’ll thank me when there’s a Final Fantasy VII-2… Squall: *Sigh* I’m from Eight… WoL: Wait… WoL: Aren’t you the… the spiky big sword guy with the chick with the MASSIVE bazoombas…? Squall: NO! Squall: God dammit… take me home! WoL: Gahh… uhhh… okay! WoL: L-Listen Squall… WoL: I know you get a lot of sh** about being the worst game in the series… WoL: But y’know what… y’know what? WoL: THEY’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT! *sniff* *WoL OUT* Squall: *sigh* Terrific… Squall: Are there any sorceresses in this world I can kill to cause a time compression…? Squall: …maybe four fiends I can manipulate to cause a time paradox? Squall: …no? Squall: Well… Squall: Sorry cast of thirteen… Squall: Come on up you! Squall: Let’s hope I don’t end up in some mobile spin off game! Hehe… ♫ MY HANDS ♫ ♫ Don’t wanna start again ♫ ♫ MY HANDS ♫ ♫ No they don’t wanna understand ♫ ♫ MY HANDS ♫ ♫ They just shake and try to break whatever peace I may find ♫ ♫ WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDS? ♫ ♫ They only agree to hold your hands ♫ ♫ HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS MY HANDS ♫ SHUT UP I’M SINGING NOW! ♫ MY HANDS HANDSY HANDS HANDS ♫ ♫ HANDS HANDS HANDS FINAL FANTASY HANDS HAAAANDS ♫ Oh it’s the end of the song… ♫ HANDS-A HANDS HANDS HANDS-HANDS! ♫ ♫ March of the Dreadnoughts – FFXIII Soundtrack ♫ Edge (Inside car): Gordon, I think we’ve stopped… check the perimeter… Edge (Inside car): What do you see? Are we in Cornelia yet? Gordon: Hmmm… no… we seem to be in Pulse… Gordon: And it looks like they just killed the cast of Final Fantasy XIII… Poor Guys… Edge (Inside car): Oh god dammit that was gonna be OUR next mission! Edge (Inside car): Get back in and check again in like an hour or something. Subtitles by RabToons

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  1. Thanks for pointing out how Leona Lewisโ€™s โ€œMy Handsโ€ was so unfitting for a Final Fantasy game & didnโ€™t in anyway relate to Lightningโ€™s character. The parody of the song towards the end was brilliant! ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿคฃ

  2. Was there actually a plot in this game? I ask because it's pretty much unplayable in the first place, and I've gone through it once, and tried to do it again years later, and it's just… miserable.

  3. I almost choked on my food during the "Hope's mother's death" joke. It was truly comedy gold! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. This is actually really funny…I donโ€™t normally like final fantasy parodies. They either try to hard by cursing too much or the jokes are too kitty for my taste. This is good lol

  5. I never liked FFVIII, to me it was the worst game of the seires. But then came FFXII and I started to see that VIII sure had is perks, then came FFXIII and I realized FFVIII wasnt that bad at all. And then came FFXV and suddenly FFVIII was a helluva great game! Now I really like VIII yaaaay! XD

  6. I reached the first boss encounter and Lightning died, this is when I realized I hated everything about Final Fantasy XIII that is not art and music and never wanted to pick it up again.

  7. There's so much stuff I missed when I played this game. I will need to replay it to see this for myself. I honestly don't even remember vanille making so many moans. This was my first ff game afterall.

  8. Lawyer: โ€œthey are suing you for damages to the franchise, they say that you are literally worse than Hitler.โ€

    Lightning: โ€œthey sound like a bunch of entitled whiny bitches to me.โ€

    THANK YOU FOR FINALLY SAYING WHAT HAD TO BE SAID ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

  9. 5:00 How has NO ONE commented on this?! XD
    Also literally every sound Vanille makes when moving or fighting gives me… feelings…

  10. Oh gog… that ending just had to remind me how much of a better game Final Fantasy VIII is compared to XIII… and so much better written as well, with a much more engaging gameplay–oh and that side game to play during it and the in depth battle/stat/etc mechanics…

    Also, in regards to reading the Datalogs… I would read them if they weren't so fucking poorly written. Also… the hook to playing a game should be within the first half an hour to hour. Not after playing the game for twenty hours and reading five tie in novels available within the game itself. Hell… Dwarf Fortress is able to not fuck this up and all its lore is generated by a fucking algorithm–and it looks like the stuff the Operators from The Matrix see.

  11. Bless this entire video. The bit about the map and the shops killed me. How am I writing this if I'm dead? That's for the sequel video to find out

  12. "Bitch, please. I cant even be happy when I'm getting myself off!"
    This had me ROLLING!!!! ROTFLMAO Also, so glad the Game Over BS found it's way into this. Great job!

  13. I canโ€™t wait to see how they do a parody of XIV and XV. Both needs a good one. Especially 15. What a mess of disappointments.

  14. Is it surprising that they were reusing ideas and plot points? I mean 12 is pretty much a steam punk fantasy take on Star Wars.

  15. I'm sure people will say I'm overreacting but I don't think the Snow raping Hope's mom joke was something to laugh at. But that's just my opinion.

  16. But… The sequels are the best part of 13…

    You killed their biggest hope! Literaly… Sorry for calling you a midget Hope

  17. The lawyer was the best character. Also looking forward to seeing the outcasts again and what there next mission is going to be.

  18. Wait i realized something. You know that lightnings sword turns to a gun? Aint that suposed to copy Squall's Gunblade?

  19. This was one of my first Final Fantasy games so it holds a special place in my heart. I like the game tbh. Idk why everyone hates it

  20. I do enjoy 13 I think it getโ€™s way too much hate, however I also donโ€™t mind parodyโ€™s of things I love hence why I watch these videos in the first place.

  21. I love that Sazh is the main one who has the most common sense. I bet he was like "wtf is wrong with white people" lmaoooo

    It was uncomfortable playing Vanille as the main party leader and her moaning making my family think I'm watching porn.

  22. I fell out at the "how Hope saw it" part. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

  23. funny video, and when it first launched i probably agreed with almost everything. In recent years 13 really has become one of my favorite in the series, though.

  24. Well now that Lightning and Company are dead at least they do not have to worry about being sued in court anymore. Also did Snow just make some characters orphans?

  25. Oh my god yes. So freaking funny it made me laugh out loud several times. My two year old daughter also enjoyed it too (though she's never played the game lol)

  26. Gods I hate XIII SO MUCH!!! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ
    To this day I have no clue how it got what, 2 additions?!

  27. I don't play enough video games to have known I was supposed to hate FFXIII so I actually liked it! But Fang was my favorite (and her and Lightning is the one female fandom pairing I will murder to support, lol). I read somewhere that Fang was actually supposed to be a guy initially. I wondered why I liked her so much but then I looked at the FF7: Crisis Core poster on my wall…and it all clicked into place.

    Fang is Aussie Zack! Like with Cloud and Lightning, they just gender-bent the character! I still like Fang but it sort of dampens my slight crush on her when I realized she takes after my favorite Final Fantasy character so she's not that original. sigh Like a lot of this game…

  28. At least the sequels somewhat redeemed this game. This one was almost unplayable. I really liked 13-2 and 3. The mechanics were fun.

  29. I'm one of those who liked XIII saga and I really liked this one.
    BTW… (I'm gonna talk of the ending so up to you of keep reading)

    I know the murder of XIII Cast was to continue the joke of the VIII's nutshell but they have to DIE ALL? At least keep Lightning alive and make her chase WoL for revenge or something like that.

    I know some main characters "die" in nutshells like Tidus with the inmortality tactic but were in the middle not at the end.

    Except that, I really like the video, great job as allways of Voice Actors

  30. I will continue to blame you for long after.
    Why?
    Because you exist.
    That's dead on to the actual plot. This game sucks.

  31. LMAO we need more of that predator Fang specially with Vanille moaning.

    I really hope you guys work on XII-2 and Lightining Returns

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