No one seems alive anymore… Kinda strange though… According to this terminal there seems to be a subject missing. Well, there’s no reason for me to stay here any longer, time to get going. Guys, I found the beers! Guys? Guys… Oh my god! Look at those trees… A… I hate winter! Worst season ever… It’s a little hotter than usual though! Hm? Oh? Oh that’s a… kinda… nice? Oh, come on!!! *sighs* Technology never changes… Oh wait! Cool! Virtual reality! *breaths heavily* Ah… I feel better already! Red… Rocket? Hm… I wonder why they called it like that… EEEW!!! GROSS!!! Wow! That’s a handyman! What the… Come on, pal… Come out! Don’t be shy! BACK OFF!!! *blade wirring* Oh god! S-sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you… I am so sorry, sir… I think my circuits are a little bit… overactive… Handyman at your service! What happened here? I feel like something is out-of-place… Well, sir, according to my scanners, you have been frozen for… 210 years. WHAT?! 210 years?! Oh, this sucks… I know, it must be rough, sir… Is there anything important you want to know? Yes! Is Half-Life 3 finally out? Brilliant! Let me do a quick search with my advanced hardware. Oh wait, *sighs* nevermind… Let’s see… Do people still listen to that dubstep music? Sir, I don’t think I’m aware of what a “dubstep” is. This! *dubstep music* Hm, did people in the past really listened to gun sounds? Gun sounds? *shoots laser* I guess? Ok now, it’s stupid I know, but… Is Stan Lee still around? Off course! He’s right there! Oh my god… Well, sir, welcome to the Wastelands. This is your new reality now, so let me get you up to speed with some basic survival tips! All right, I guess I’m all ears! After the nuclear war, the radiations have spread all over the country… and the environment has changed radically… Wait a minute! I think you are a little exaggerating now… Everything looks kinda normal to me! Well… For the most part… *sighs* Ow, trust me, sir, your eyes can deceive you in the wastelands. See? This is a car… A little rusty, yeah, but still a good car! This is a lamppost… Sir… And look at this green wall, see? Nature always finds a way! This is me dying… As you can see, sir, the wastelands are a dangerous place. You will need a weapon if you want to stay safe. Guns are pretty scarce though… so you will have to craft a weapon yourself by using one of these workbenches. Cool, I can do that! Very well, sir! Try searching around for some useful items and come back here when you are ready. I’ll be right back! There we go! I found a stick, duct tape and some screws. Sir, I don’t think you understand that you’ll not be able to craft a weapon with such common items. Well… I’ll give it a try anyway! Ah-ha! This is awesome! HOLY SHIT!!! Uhm! That’s really impressive, sir! Yeah… Looks kinda unstable though! Oh god! RAIDERS! QUICK! Use VATS! What’s VATS?! JUST PRESS THE BUTTON, THERE’S NO TIME! Wow, dude! I was looking for this duct tape all over the wastelands! You can keep that, I’m gonna take this fine screws… Not in the mood for killing today? Nah, you know… I’ve been doing some yoga lately so… Oh boy… There goes our only ammunition we had… I’m really sorry, but I can’t make a lower price! This a very rare item! Oh, really? Ha! Well I guess I’m just gonna take it then! Thank you, old man! Yeah, right, like I actually give a crap! Come on, there’s not even a karma system in the game! Hey, what’s that thing in the distance? And so, this guy has a option to save the entire city, and guess what he did? He activated the freaking bomb! SSSH!!! Wait! What? Oh no! Feral Ghouls! They are coming this way! Feral Ghouls? Yes! They are ruthless mutated sub-humans, completely void of empathy and emotions.. Quick, hide before they find us! Damn it! Where did they go? Maybe we should look in that building… Wait! Unbelievable… Look at this mess! Remember kids: respect the environment, always recycle! Anyway… I wonder why they called this place Red Rocket… EEEW!!! GROSS!!! My god! That was so close… I feel like I’m gonna have a mental breakdown in any moment. I understand your concern, sir. We can’t indeed keep on running forever, especially if you are unarmed. I suggest you find a companion that can fight along with you. A companion? You mean like… another human that can fight with me? Well, yeah, I mean… He’s kinda human, but… Nick Valentine at your service! AAAH!!! Well… At least you have a gun now. And a sweet fedoraaa! Fortunately for us, he was not only available companion though. May I present you Dogmeat! No, no, no… Are you kidding me? There’s no way I’m going to involve a dog in a shooting! Do it! DOGMEAT!!! NOOO!!! Oh dear! Good work, pal. Woof! Uh oh… I don’t think they appreciated very much what we just did! Ouch!!! What the hell is this, an action figure? It’s a bobblehead! You can use it to upgrade your abilities and… Or you can do that. Look! The mini-gun is still intact! If I take it, no one will ever mess with me again! You can’t handle a mini-gun without a power armor, sir. I guess we will have to make a trip to Diamond city. Loading in 3… 2… 1… Wait, no, no, no!!! All right, here’s the plan… See that door at the end of the alley? Yup, I see it! You have to knock on the door and convince the guard to let you in… After that, you will talk to an old lady and she will give you the power armor. Sounds easy! Depends. How many charisma points do you have? I don’t know… How do I check? I can use my sensors, if you want? Nope, wait! No need for sensors… It says… one point. Oh dear… Well, at least you can try… What do you want? They told me that you can give me a power armor? You come here and you ask for a power armor, ah? Let’s see… Why do you want it? I just want to blow some shit up because this is a video game? Fair enough. I’m gonna call the old lady. Wow! I guess they went off budget with this one… What’s that? Nothing! Young lad, give me your hand… Let’s see… Oh… God… What?! I see… A violent explosion in your future! Oh my god! You’ll definitely need a power armor… Here, you can take it! Sweet! But first… Ugh, I know, I know… I was prepared… I will kiss you on the cheek, but let’s make it quick. You will have to make sweet love to my daughter! YAY!!! That’s not my daughter, you idiot! This is my daughter! Hey, sweetie! AAAH!!! Okay. Oh, that’s really nice, sir, you got the armor! SHUT UP! Sir, since it’s night-time, you won’t be able to survive without a shelter… There are even more terrible threats lurking in the dark. You should build a settlement using everything you’ll find in the surroundings. I guess you are right… Okay then, let’s get to work. Whoops! Wrong one! Hey, come on now! That’s what I’m talking about. Oh god, they are coming! COME ON, you pieces of filth! I’m ready! Come get some! Sir, uhm… Did you remember to seal the sewer system? Ugh… Why are you asking me that now?! Who cares if there’s a pipe leaking! Wait, where are you going? Sir! Wake up! Sir! Huh? Oh god… This was a nightmare… Come on, sir, we must get ready for the next exciting adventure! Hey… Uhm… Come to think of it, man… After all this… I don’t think I want to stay in the wastelands anymore. Oh… Okay… So… Where are we going, sir? Wait… Why did you say “we”? Uh… See you around! OPEN UP, YOU F***ING PIECE OF SH**!!! That’s unusual… Hey! Whoever you are, show yourself, now! Hasta la vista, boy. AAAH!!!