(Howling wind) (Echoing footsteps) Oh my it’s magnificent.
All those years of rejection and I was right. Gentlemen, this is history…………. Well that won’t make us rich. Come on let’s go. But it’s an archaeological jackpot. Nonsense, it’s just a pile of old crockery. Oh don’t lose your rag. Uncovering ancient cultures requires well, commitment, dedication, patience. …and so does watching cricket.
I’ve traded a season ticket for this ? Now look here Kipling, if you don’t like
it push off and find your own. Fine, and when I do I’ll get all the glory.
See you chaps back in Blighty ! Oh let him go, the fool will never know how close he got. Look… hieroglyphs.
Messages from across five millennia.. Ooh let’s have a gander Magnus, I’m good at these. Hmmm… Well roughly,….here lies mighty ruler of the 13th dynasty…. 13th ?? Then we’re standing in the tomb of….. ….Nefahotep Who ?? Nefahotep. A king of almost unlimited power. What buried in here? …and within his royal tomb the “Eye of a Amun-Ra” shall watch eternally. What?? Oh My god Squiffy… it really exists? Sorry, The Eye of what?? Amun-Ra. The Eye was a sacred jewel, reserved for the royal line. A Jewel? A diamond, of immense beauty but
possessing a mystical power would… Ah stuff all that Magnus. Squiffy where’s the body? Er, I’m not sure. Right, I want this place ransacked immediately. What have I done? (Crashing and ransacking) Bingo! Pooh, I say, he hasn’t kept well. Wait, don’t touch anything. Tell them squiffy. Well I’ve got some rather bad news I’m afraid Magnus. Turns out this diamond really shouldn’t
be parted from the body In fact I’m pretty sure it says we need
to “be on guard” or something like that. Look men, you can’t just fiddle with a pharaoh. Ha, if you think I’m letting some damn superstition stand in the way of me and my knighthood… aha… (Stone door closes) No, the door…. No… You greedy fools, we’re trapped. (Shouting) Kipling….. Kipling…… Aha , now I’ve got it. It’s not “be on guard”
its “beware”…. Beware the eye of Amun… (Screams) Raaaaaa! (Screams and commotion) Here, have it back…. (Heavy breathing) (Creature heavy breathing) (Train noise and whistle) (Groaning) (More groaning and heavy breathing) (More groaning and heavy breathing) Ooh I tell you this trip’s playing
sweet hanny havoc with my digestion. Let’s keep that information classified shall we sir? This hotel better have en-suite. Oh I’m sure they’ll roll out the red carpet. They’d better. I’ve waited years for an
excuse like this to get out the office Then do stop complaining. It’s supposed
to be an honour. Yes it is, and I’m counting on lots of top-notch jollies to go with it so don’t you go messing it up. I’m the least of your worries. Have you
even read Kipling’s book? Oh that (yawns) I flicked through it somewhere.
Usual bumpf… big expedition, big sparkler big celeb oh blah blah blah…
bighead if you ask me. Actually it’s a pretty “big” deal to win this contract. Do you know how precious the Eye of Amun-Ra is? Nope. It’s practically worshipped. Well then you’d think they’d take better care of it. It was hardly difficult to outwit their cheap hokey alarm system. I expect our new defense hardware should make it impregnable. You bet it will. It’s fail-safe now. I heard the laser design was a real breakthrough. Ah yes, the lasers. You see that was the real trick. To use the diamond’s own unique properties to….er… …intensify the wavelengths of the ultraviolet spectrum. And you understand that do you? No of course not, but I know how to get my name as head of the project. And I’ll tell you this, MI6 have got some flaming cheek. Why is that sir? Lumping me with a damn chaperone. Sorry sir, standard protocol. I’m afraid your status demanded a low-key approach. My status? Well as the alleged systems expert, it’s best to avoid the risk of kidnap. Hence me. Your protection. What you? So officially (whispers) we’re not here. (Brass band starts up) I don’t think they got the memo. Your excellency, Colonel Emmerson, the
official delegate from Her Majesty’s Government. Gentlemen, the Governor of Giza. Cairo is honored to receive such guests. Delighted to be here. My first time you know. Ah, is it, then welcome to the cradle of civilization.
A city that is… truly immortal. Marvelous, can’t wait to explore. Sir, please stick to the designated venues. Oh, listen to nanny. My colleague. Eddie
Barton. He’s…. very keen. We did say my name is classified. The cream of British intelligence…. your secret is safe. Assalamualaikum. …and peace be with you my friend. Sorry to interrupt, but the ceremony is due. Yes indeed. The press are eager to hear the Colonel’s speech, as am I. Pardon. No one mentioned anything about a speech. Our presence here should remain confiden…. (Like a rock star) Hello Cairo! Oh God. Righty-ho, give a small address they said so here it is… words which one could say are from I… to Eye (Silence) …tough crowd. Anyway so I heard the museum has protected this jewel since um, ooh when was it? You know… way back. And I won’t bore you with the details but living up to that legacy was quite a
task and so following the wishes of our fellow countryman, um, the adventurer you
know him… thingy… Dr. Kipling sir. Yes, I can read. So in accordance with Dr. Kipling’s famous request to ensure that the jewel is um…. Oh, damn it, what did he say? Never, never to be disturbed again. Really?,Bit over the top but still. I can now safely say that we have accomplished that very thing and so now please observe the fully theft proof Eye of Amun-Ra. (Audience clapping) (Audience gasps) My god it’s gone. Oh terrific! (Alarm bell) (Police siren) (Helicopters) Gentlemen this is a disaster! Disaster? It’s a bloomin’ catastrophe. My name’s plastered all over these damn blueprints. And so it is your responsibility that our sacred jewel has been taken by common thieves. Common thieves? That’s a world-class defense system so don’t go blaming me. Then I am deeply troubled Colonel. If you will….. This tablet was found within the same
tomb as the diamond the inscription, well… …it has a rather ominous tone. Almas, please explain. Colonel, this is the Udjat. A what’s-that? It’s an eye of Horus. A Who-us ? The symbol of Amun-Ra’s eternal protection.
The rest seems to be a decree to intruders. Dr. Kipling refered to the diamond as being like a potent guardian over the Pharaoh’s body. Actually it’s rather like a… …like a curse. Perhaps conjecture to some but, really, I wouldn’t want to catch it in the wrong light. You know this damn trip was gonna be the highlight of my year. Well it still can be. I’ve told the Governor getting the eye back will be your personal mission. Er, are you out of your tiny mind? Look you wanted to get out of the office. This will be good for you. I can’t be involved in this! At my age! With these feet! Do you know how long it’s been since I was in the field? Well I suggest “those feet” get back in the field otherwise you’ll be put out to pasture. Ughh…and the fool agreed to this? He said the finest resources will be put at our disposal. Hmm… including a swanky hotel of course? Oh call our base of operations. Commissioner if I may? Certainly. The governor has granted you full access. He trusts your case will be swift. I’ll need to go through all of your security measures. But of course. (Knocks on window) Oi. What shall I do then? Well, have a nose around sir. Just don’t break anything…. Hmm, impressive collection. It was, till you showed up. Oh look, clearly the world and his monkey is up in arms over a stolen rock, but really it’s hardly life or death. That’s…. not entirely true. Why, what else should I know? Er, nothing… Well that attitude won’t get your diamond back will it? Look, it’s one of our mummies… he’s well… he’s missing. What do you mean missing? Well he’s no longer in his box. You suggest he just upped and went? Oh, I’m sure that’s not possible. Oh great, so now I’m adding absent corpses to the list. Oh please forget it. It’s off the record. Bit odd isn’t it? Some old stone gets nicked and it’s put on the front page, but a festering pharaoh goes walkabout and it’s swept into the carpet? Maybe you should see the professor. Excuse me sir. I’m sorry to disturb you it’s the Colonel… …from London…. ….MI6… This is most inconvenient… Oh mon dieu! I never knew… What? It’s your face… I mean it’s just…. Is he… a bit… (whistles) I’ll er…. I’ll leave you with him. Forgive me, really, how can I help? Well, seems like you’ve been losing track of your exhibits. Ah yes, the Eye. It’s a terrible loss. So you say and er, which mummy has waltzed out the door then? Nefahotep. Of the 13th dynasty. Worth much? I believe he has a presence which transcends history. The Eye’s disturbance, it will not rest easy with him. Right…. well….. But he’s definitely dead isn’t he? Colonel, this is Cairo. Ancient myths abound here. A missing mummy will only fan the rumors of…. What? The supernatural. Oh I don’t believe in all of that. Unfortunately you may not believe in the supernatural but what if…. The supernatural believes in you. Oh poppycock. So be it, but I strongly recommend you leave the city. Eh? I’ve only just got here. At your request! I’m sorry the invitation is…. rescinded. Now please excuse me I have to file an incident report. Something else? Oh a small matter. A staff accident this morning…. clumsy fool. Now au revoir. The museum will refund your expenses. …well that’s everything Mr Barton. Any conclusions? Yes, but I’d rather not elaborate yet. These cases usually involve someone in a position of trust. Of course. The night security guard is
being held already. His name is Hassan. You just leave that Hassan to me. If he knows something, and they always know something, I have verbal techniques that’ll wheedle it out of him before he even knows what he said. It’s frightening the control I wield over them once we get down to the nitty-gritty (fading away) (fading back up) put me in front of any thieving urchin and I’ll weave and bamboozle the truth right out of them….. So. What about is diamond then? What diamond? Don’t you give me the swerve laddie.
The Eye of what’s it, where is it? In the Cairo Museum. That’s common knowledge. Ah, so he wants to do this the hard way. Fine by me Eddie. For crying out loud. My name. Not common knowledge! Hey, you’re that agent guy. The one from London. (Sighs) Hassan, I understand this was your first week. Describe your exact movements last night. It’s all in my written statement. Sonny, I’m not wasting my time with files and reports. I just want to hear it from your own silvery tongue. Come on. Cough it up. It was just a quiet night I swear.
Nothing happened…. except…. Tell me. In detail. Well, there there was just one little incident….. (Voice over) It was about 3:00 in the morning. It had been a quiet night, but I found myself in part of the museum I did not recognize… Hello?? (Screams) (Laughs) Very funny Jamal. Should I expect this every night? Relax. It’s just your initiation. Now come on, I’d say it’s time for tea. Now? Hadn’t we better check of the diamond chamber? Oh I never go in that room. I don’t trust it. Surely that’s our duty? It’s our duty to protect valuable objects but
that…. I’m telling you….. That should never have left the tomb. Oh wait… is this another set up? Listen, the ancient Egyptians, not only did they protect their pharaohs from this world but also the next. You know what happened to Kipling after he donated the Diamond? No? He vanished. And nobody knows why. Look in if you must. I’ll see you back at control. Suits me. Foolproof design? Impregnable? Except…. I have the code. Hey. Where’s the diamond? It was gone when I got here. Liar. Hand it over. (crash from outside) What’s that noise? Reinforcements. Your deactivation alerted control. You’ve been a foolish man. Uggh, this is not what I had in mind. (Distant stangled scream) (Electrical noise) Weird…. (Voice over) So I just looked in on the diamond finished my rounds and went for tea. All totally ordinary…. So just that one prank, at around 3am? Yes one of Jamal’s silly tricks and when the morning shift arrived I went home. Same as written. And nothing else suspicious on your watch? For the last time the diamond was still there when I left. Sir, what do you think? Well I’m convinced. Yep guilty as sin. Oh use your noggin lad are they a liars eyes? Sir, he was alone with full access to the diamond and a copy of the lock code was found in his diary. I tell you, that was my lottery numbers. The press are pushing for a deadline,
are we charging him yet? Tell the newshounds they can chew another bone.
That there is an innocent man. Alright mush, off you pop. Good luck gentlemen. I see. I’ll have him tailed yes? No need, he’s clean. Now any other suspects? What about this colleague of his, Jamal.
Why isn’t he here? I have no record of another night watchman. Really? Not according to the staff files I have. And who supplied them? Professor Dubois. I think we can start closing the net on this Jamal and his little accomplice, the rather dubious Dubois. Oh Mon Dieu Oh, now where is my passport. Ah, I have stopped right there. (phone rings) Oh sacre bleu Hello… oh oui… I know Mon Amour… oui… …which is why it must be tonight. Trust me, I think it wise we were outside of Cairo. …way outside. (Distant sound of nightclub) Hassan, I see you made the news. Ah just police routine. Is he in? Oh yes, and you’re top of his list. Oh son of a dog, how was he? I think you better have one of these…. Ugggh, what are we doing back in here?
I thought we were gonna see the professor. Just checking on something. You don’t solve diamond heists by reading catalogs. And how do you do it? By trusting my instinct lad,
and you’d do well to do the same. Sir, everything in this room is dated Middle Kingdom, everything except…. ..this jar. That’s pre-dynastic. It’s been moved here for a reason. How was the professor? Oh complete weirdo, harping on about death and…. goblins. Goblins? Oh he’s bonkers. You know when we met he took one look at me and froze. Froze? Yeah, like this. Maybe it’s that tie. (Crash) Zut alore, not another…. He’s doing it to you now. It’s me. Tell the boss “Eye” can see clearly now. Mr Mellish. Ah Hassan. So how did MI6 treat you? They swallowed every word. I trust the merchandise is with you with. With me? I’ve been locked in the police headquarters all night. Hassan, I picked you for shall we say, your resourcefulness. Indeed, they never looked in my socks. Er, not too close.
One meddles with the Eye at one’s peril. That’s just a story to frighten kids. I’m a son of Cairo I assure you I don’t frighten easily. Yes, yes… but the money. Fine. I believe the contract was…. fifty thousand? Fifty! It was a hundred! Unfortunate fluctuation and exchange rates. Or perhaps you care to discuss it with our…
finance department Mr Nash is an excellent negotiator. I’ve risked a lot on this deal. Ah, then why not risk a little more. Go to table twelve and place a bet on number seven. Perhaps that’s your lucky number. Let’s hope so Do it, then leave. Don’t worry you won’t see me again. Of that I have no doubt (furniture crashes) …all I said was that you should leave the city… Don’t change the subject. You’ve got blood on your hands,
well smeared on the tiles, and either way it doesn’t look good. That was Jamal. He had an accident.
I told you that earlier. Oh yeah, well let me tell you my theory… You and Jamal were in cahoots, but then you got greedy didn’t you? Didn’t work out to well for him did it? I had nothing to do with his departure. The cause was myocardial infarction. A heart attack. Still that’s one hell of a plan. Steal the Eye, pin on some poor stooge and vooom! The only thing I planned was to protect it. You don’t understand it’s more than a valuable stone.
It has a power. An innate ability to… …to talk your way out of this? No chance. I swear if you don’t listen to me you may not last the week. How long ago was this? Just after Kipling’s famous expedition. He inspired me to follow but we came back with nothing. I don’t think that’s true is it professor? You’ve dedicated your whole life to Egypt’s mysteries. What is it you’re not telling us? Maybe for your sake. Go on… (Voice over) It was a field trip to Nefahotep’s tomb. I was young excited. My first time away from home. On the last day while I was making studies of the hieroglyphs I accidentally came across a secret passageway. I’m ashamed to say in a selfish bid for glory I kept it hidden. I returned later, ready to make my big discovery. Deeper and deeper I went. Lost in a maze of corridors. I almost gave up. But then there, through the dust, I saw it…. Gentlemen, I saw an ancient painting. I thought it was beautiful, a real treasure. But when I looked closer something strange happened. Something terrible. I could sense an evil force replacing all the faces and I knew I had become damned. One of the seven victims that must fulfill that Eye’s wretched spell. Now the curse has woken again it will befall…. us. Us? What do you mean us? Forgive me, but your faces were on that wall as well. I beg your pardon! Don’t you see it’s a prophecy. That is why it’s been my life’s work to protect the Eye. It has happened before. How do you know? I wasn’t completely empty handed when I returned from the dig. Meet Professor Magnus. Kipling was never alone on his trip,
he just covered up what really happened. Well you’re quite the telltale aren’t you? Listen you imbecile we’re all in this together.
You want proof? You’ve got more? The first face on that wall was our security guard, Jamal, and now he’s dead. Yes, and you said he died of a heart attack. Ah his heart was attacked all right. Ripped right through his the rib cage. I’m afraid I’m going to have to cancel your trip. But we have to get out of Cairo immediately, maintenent. None of us are leaving the city. Then you have doomed us all. Professor it’s late, you’re clearly stressed. Maybe you should rest for a moment. I promise we’ll mull this over. The you believe me? Well let me just absorb all the details. Eddie….. Right, bang him up. (From inside) No, don’t leave me in here… I wonder if he’s really capable? Well put it this way…. His Tutankhamen has toot and come in. No, no, no, no… Okay sir, security will be transferring him to the cells. He must have thought I was a right mug. Looks like you’ll be heading home sooner than you thought then? I doubt that, we haven’t got the diamond yet. I need to get down town fast. After a clue? No, after a claret Eddie. Yes, you was well. Determined I may be but I’m not a monster. (Scream) (Call to prayer) (City traffic) You will not find treasures like this in all of Cairo sir. Yes well, I’ve heard that before. Ah, but but these are all truly of real worth.
You like perhaps Amun-Ra pencil sharpener? Is all this stuff official? Ah yes, no copies here. All 100% genuine sir.
Discount on ashtrays. Well, it’s not really what I had in mind. Ah wait, but you are English. Please for you. Perfect. Only seven hundred sir. Um… Well… You’re being cheated. Ah, I know you from paper. No you don’t. Yes British secret agent of MI6. Eddie Bar… The name is Ralph. Then I make special offer for you, Ralph not Ralph, only three hundred. Come on sir, we’ve got the real eye to track down. Final offer, one hundred and I give you this spoon! Not today thank you. Wait one minute. You see my Amun-Ra oven gloves, only thirty the pair. (From afar) No! I see the souvenir trade has boomed since the heist. Well they better make the most of it because that diamond’s gonna be back in its box as soon as I make the professor confess. He just needs to sweat in his cell first. Er… sir…. Make sure he knows who’s boss. Well how on earth could happen? A pretty nasty suicide by all accounts. Well I must admit I’m impressed.
I mean how do you rip your own head off? Aaaaahaaa….. That was no suicide. Excuse me? I see a long shadow over you.
You are both in great need. Is he with you? Follow me…. See that? Relentless.
One whiff of a tourist and they never let up. Listen sir, the professor’s death, it means something. Oh yeah? It means this assignment just got an extension. An extension? I wonder if I’ve packed enough tea bags? Come… come… You said you saw shadows. What of? You seek a great prize but your path is obscured. Where does this path go? I cannot undo what is done. I can only state your fate. And what may that be? Aaahhh (goes into trance) when the Eye was disturbed a force was unleashed. A dark and most powerful energy. That’s what concerned the professor too. Ahhh – Nefahotep is alive! (Wind howls) Sorry, sorry, that was me. I’ll shut the door. Nefahotep? Ruler of the… 13th dynasty? Yes, and he is not a happy mummy. He has now but a single purpose to claim his vengeance on the chosen ones. The professor knew his life was in danger. In honor of his seven wives high priests foretold the future, condemning seven souls who cross the eye for….. eternity. Hmm, apparently it’s all on a wall. I expect his flogging postcards of it. So if we’re condemned are we just sitting ducks? Oh. Probably. Then how can you help? Ah, leave now. Make for Nefahotep’s tomb. Aha, now I see his game. Excursions. He’s saving our lives, sir. Well he can save his breath. I don’t travel well Only at its source can you truly confront your destiny. How? I see the signs of time are dwindling.
You must seek the key. And…. Ah, it’s gone…. but I think you will be able
to draw your own conclusion. Do we have to put up with much more of this? One more thing, how about the Eye?
Can you see where it is now? Mr Barton, I’m a mystic, not a psychic. No forget it. I’m telling you he was a
tarot card short of a deck. Oh maybe, but to be fair he has won
mystic of the month. Abdul Kadabra…. Eddie I somewhat doubt
some magic midget’s mumbo Jumbo’s gonna Oooooooh, conjure up this diamond for me. I agree it’s a bit out there but our lack of
headway ought to trouble you. There’s only two things which trouble me. The case being closed or solving the damn thing. Because either way I end up back
home. So for now I’ve got other priorities. Such as? Shopping. I’ll meet you back here at 5:00. (from afar) Oooh snakes (Cocktail piano music) He saw me smile, across the Nile,
I caught his winks, behind the Sphinx. He’s was a teaser. One hell of a Giza.
But I’m in…. Car-Roh What made it worse, I fell for his curse
He’s the best yet I read it on the Rosetta. He really charmed me, maybe he’ll embalm me,
Right here in… Car…. Roh… Your package is here. Hmm not bad. Can it be traced? Not now they’ve…. closed for business. Bring her to my table. Who’s she? Oh just an act I’m… keeping an eye on… Cause they’ll be room inside his tomb.
I’ll go on honeymoon with my Tutankhamen. He better treat me like Nefertiti.
Right here in…. Car… Roh… Oh Eddie, we’ve been here an hour.
When’s the belly dancing start? It’s not really that kind of establishment sir. So what have you dragged me in here for then? Atonement. You what? Ent-er-tainment is what I said.
Preferably exotic. Actually, I didn’t invite you. Honestly Eddie, she’s not that good.
Or do you know her? I really don’t remember. Not surprising, these drinks last longer than your average relationship. Go easy on those sir. Now, I wonder what the minimum bet is… (sings) He’d better treat me like Nefertiti.
Right here in…. Car…Roh… Right here in… Car…Roh… Right here in… Car…Roh… Thank you, thank you.
I’ll be right back after a short break. Thank you. You think the diamond will show up in here? I’m sorry, now’s not the right time. After losing the Eye you’re not in a position to choose. I’m Almas the… …associate creator, antiquities Department. Hmm ,very good.
May I assume you know what really killed Dubois? Self infliction’s probably off the list. Tell me, what are your thoughts on the netherworld? A popular subject around here. What makes you say that? It seems you have a secret. Your bracelet. The Ankh. The Egyptian key of life. Your protection perhaps? You think you’re one of the seven. You were close to Dubois. I’d say closer than most knew. That’s history now. Let me ask you this… why do you think Kipling left the diamond in Cairo? Maybe he felt like being generous? Ha! You’ve read his book. By all accounts he was a Philistine. Keener on cash than culture. True it was odd that he just gave it away.
You have a theory? Fear. I suspect risen mummies don’t have a monopoly on the undead. Why? What else is out there? Kipling’s grave. What of it? There isn’t one. Before the night is over Nefahotep is going to kill again. If you survive remember this… …Beware the Eye Mr Barton. I’m gonna have to change my name. So you wanted to see me? Ah good evening Miss Madison. Only if it’s about the parrots, I’m telling you now.
Their contract includes seeds. Relax, this isn’t business.
I like to get acquainted with my talents. Oh.. well… Thanks for the booking. Not at all. I predict great things for you. Nice trinket. Who’s it for? You my dear. A little welcome bonus. I’ll have it sent to your room. You can wear it for your second set. I never knew you were so generous. I’m not. You get the brooch, not the seeds. So, you got me killing two birds with one stone. (Commotion) Mr Nash. A word is required. Now I wonder if you might do a little something for me. Join me for a little jaunt in my plane after the show. Cairo is so beautiful at night. Sounds like an offer I shouldn’t refuse. It appears your fan club has a new member… Oh jeez…. Ah waiter… another couple of these beauties. Pronto. Diplomatic immunity, my ar…. (parrot squawks) Tania, I really think we should talk. Well not tonight fly boy. Yes, especially tonight. Why does that make a difference?
Why are you even in Cairo? Oh wait, you had to. (Sarcastically) it’s for a mission. Trust me this wasn’t my first choice. Really? Well your track record begs to
differ…. “The world needs me”. “freedom is in jeopardy”,
“the city is gonna blow”… So tell me… is Cairo a ticking time bomb? No but I just need a minute to explain. I… I don’t need an explanation, I just need a drink. Look. It was never an easy decision. Hey, save it for the birds. (Parrot squawks) A JD on the rocks. He’s gonna need it. So long soldier… Night Hassan… Safe journey…. Oh dear, oh dear… (Whistles) (Squeaky gate opens and closes) (Boom) (Boom) (Gate opening) (Heavy breathing) (Scream) Mr Nash, I want you to send a message.
Tell them we’re on schedule…. Mr Nash, tell them we should arrive tonight yes…. I’m afraid Mr Nash had a pressing matter. Ah, Commissioner a pleasant surprise.
Some credit for the tables perhaps? Maybe when I have more time. How is the investigation going? Have you met Colonel Emmerson? Not personally. I’ll wager that this Sphinx will sneeze before he’s even close. That is… unfortunate. Mr Barton on the other hand…. How’d you get in? I am a secret agent.
I do have some talents. Be nice if taking a hint was one of them. Look I’m making an effort here. Haven’t you got a priceless diamond
you’re supposed to be seeking. Oh it’ll turn up. It’s probably right under our noses. May I assume the reason you’re here… You do have a certain reputation. I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended. Neither, just be swift. Hand over the Eye. Of course one doubts that this will be heading back to the museum? A private collector in Geneva. 50 million Dollars. …and we understand this never happened. The trail is as cold as your conscience. So, how come you ended up in Cairo? It’s the last place I thought you’d show up. Who said I was looking? Was this the Colonel’s idea? Let’s leave him out of this. Well it’s not that easy is it? Oh it’s not his fault it’s my job. Huh, that’s not a job it’s an obsession. And you’re judging me?
Living on the road with an aviary in tow. Those birds have been good to me. You do know he’s out of tune? (Disappointed squawk) Amazing, I’ve never been this close to it before. Yes, it’s quite the gem. Do you think it’s true that… I believe under estimating it could cost you dearly. Hmm. Much like you have with me Perhaps you should think twice commissioner,
I do have a lot of protection. Had I’m afraid Mr Mellish, had. Ah poor Mr Nash. There’s still time. Perhaps you could offer an arrangement? I could, but I think you’ll just kill me anyway. (Shot) I have to hand it to him, he was right. (Heavy breathing) Let’s cut to the chase honey, the party
is over. (Shot) (Shot) (Shot) (Shot and squawk) What the hell! Jeez Eddie, you’ve been back in my life five minutes and you’ve already stacked up a body count. Wait a sec. Isn’t that the… Never mind that, who the hell is he? (Roar) Nefahotep, as he lives and breathes… Quick. If this is your idea of rekindling old times I would have settled for dinner. Sorry, all the tables were booked. I think we’re gonna have to distract him. We? That’s your department pal. Fine I’ve seen what he wants anyway. Here, have the damn thing. (Roar) That’s weird. Terrific. What else have you got? Music. It calms the savage beast.
Tania, sing to him. Sorry, I don’t do requests. Damn, hey I forgot my bag. Could you? Thanks. I know. She’s some girl. (Roar) Ugh, alright, deal me in. Sir, the game’s over. We’re going. Excuse me? We need to get the hell out of here. Right sir. Follow her now. And who’s she then? That sir, is my wife. (Roar) Come on. This way… (The show begins)
Welcome o travelers from Upper Egypt. You will travel no more as you are present here at the beginning of civilization. The conception of time… (the show continues in the background) Do you think we’ve lost him? Are you talking about the mummy or the Colonel? Shhhh… (Roar) Now that’s what I call 3D! Whoah! I think I may know a way to get us
away from here. Oh yeah, and how’s that then? Oh, just something my boss mentioned. Seems he had you around his finger.
Got you that dress as well did he? Oh he was just trying to impress me. Or was that seduce? Well he won’t be doing either now will he? Oh Tania. Tania… Oh sweet God. Ah, there you are. Sir, I really think we should get out of here. Are you joking? This may be my only chance to take in some culture. And it’s free. I’d reckon we’d might be able to get some postcards from this place. Let me know our progress back at the office. You know, reassure them that we’re safe. Sir, we need to get out of Cairo. Alright lover boys, boys let’s go. Can we go out by the gift shop? (Angry roar) I expect I’ll get blamed for that as well. Now Tania, I’ve been thinking. Don’t argue.
Get on Mellish’s plane with the Colonel. I don’t understand. What about you? I’m staying here to deal with the mummy. Like hell you are. You’re getting on that
plane where you belong. But Tania no, I can’t… Do you have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stay here? Pretty sure you’d end up as mummy meat. You’re only saying this to make me go. I’m saying it because it’s true. We both know you belong with the Colonel. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him you’ll regret it. No…. Yes you will. Today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life which will probably be… …about 40 seconds by the look of it. (Roar) I still think you should be on that plane. But what about my act? Who will buy me new birds? Oh Tania, you’ll always have parrots. (Sweeping music) (From afar) Oi! I’m looking at you kids. Get on the plane. Oh, come on. (Roar) (Cheesy muzak) Sir… Sir…. Sir listen, everything has gone a bit haywire but there is some good news. Okay, go on let’s hear it. Well, the Eye is no longer lost. Marvelous, so where is it now? It’s on the office floor in the Camel Club. Well what we’re doing up here then? Ah, now that’s the bad news. We’ve got three more dead bodies and, um,
a reanimated mum…. Oh God’s sake who’s dead now? Well there’s Almas.
She was involved with Dubois at the museum. The museum? Did you need a death wish to work there? Who else? The police commissioner… Oh terrific, well that’s my expenses up the Swanee. Colonel, you might wanna prioritise.
Cairo’s got a killer mum… Oh look Eddie. It’s the missus.
How did she pop up out the blue? Hey, bigger picture here. You can start by telling me why I’ve been knee-deep in corpses since you two showed up. I’m not telling you anything until you’ve signed the Official Secrets Act. Look, everyone calm down. Back in the club, it’s bizarre but it backs up everything we’ve heard so far, and frankly, that Eye is the cause of it all. We’re just gonna have to turn back and get it.
I’ll go and tell the pilot. (Mumbles) (Radar ping) (Alarm) Oh it’s just turbulence.
Can’t the pilot avoid that? Er, we don’t actually have a pilot sir. What! We’re gonna drop out the sky? Let’s think of it as a rapid descent. Get back in there and fly it man. (Alarm) Right sir, you navigate. Now what’s our altitude? Does that matter?
We’re not gonna have one in a minute! Keep calm Sir, I’m fully trained. Let’s just adjust this… …tweak the rudder a bit… ..increase fuel pressure and ease back on
the throttle. There… (Explosion) Oh damn, it must be the Mark II. Now we’re in trouble. “Trouble” is not a word I want to hear at 20,000 feet. Sir brace yourself, we’re gonna crash. Right, where’s the flight recorder? Why on earth do you want that? I want to make my will. What the hell is happening up here? Say your prayers love, we’re going down. Tania, open the door! Sorry sir, but we’re gonna have to jump for it. Are you mad? Trust me, we’ll do it together. Anyone got any last words? Tania I just want to say…. (Screams) Happy anniversary….. (Explosion) (Splutters) Tania? Tania? Are you all right? Over here… Wow Eddie, what a piece of luck. An oasis… Where’s the Colonel? (groans) Mirage… (Screech) (Sighs) Well I guess we’re not in Cairo anymore.
So guys are we lost? Well unless you’re an expert on dunes madam then yes, I’d say we’re lost. Now wait sir, and this is only a rough
calculation but… Hmm.. Aha. Actually, we’re only 95 miles from Cairo. Well done Eddie. Uh-huh. Which direction? Er, well. It’s a start. Swell guys. You know I was on a pretty good thing back there till you two showed up. I shouldn’t book too many future
engagements if I were you. What’s that supposed to mean? I gather we wouldn’t have eveen been on that plane if it weren’t for you. Bit suspicious that’s all. Oh yeah, like that makes sense. I knowingly crashed a plane, with me on it! Well I reckon that smacks of sabotage. I can see you’re looking for a smack. Will you two stop bickering. Now listen. Just stay here, I need to think. (Bird screech) Hey, I think there’s something you should see… (Camel grunts) Hitchhikers in the great desert… very unusual. Yes well… spot of bother with our plane. Lack of pilot. Also unusual… (Camel grunts) May the hospitality of these wretched
quarters be ample enough for your honored needs. And may the peace of Allah descend upon this magnificent… um… tent. Your excellency, may I present my wife, Tania Maddison. Tania… the Governor of Giza… A pleasure I’m sure. Ahlan wa sahlan. Welcome, you are my guests.
Please sit. We’d love to but I’m afraid we must return to Cairo immediately. Its citizens are in mortal peril. There is danger in much of this world. Yes but we need… It is late and it is far.
You will travel to Cairo in the morning. Oh well, if you insist. Sir? Oh shush you heard the man, he’s doing dinner. Then it is settled, now what would you wish. Abdab? Well today we have sheep’s eyes, sheep’s brains, sheep’s tongue, sheep’s testi… Wait a minute, didn’t you try to sell me
that teapot? Your Eminency, what can you tell us about the link between the Eye and Nefahotep? Eddie, maybe this isn’t the right time. Please, I am willing to assist. It is a subject close to my heart. Can you tell me more about Nefahotep’s tomb. I’ll do better than that.
Why not see for yourself? Abdab…. Behold, the tomb of Nefahotep. Oh yes, I have always been a massive history buff.
I’ve learnt so much from ancient cultures. Tell me, exactly what all these squiggles mean? Frankly Colonel, I couldn’t care less. I thought you said you were an expert? I lied Mr Barton. Lied? Then why bring us down here? I’m glad you asked. We can dispense with this now. Sir, I think we have our thief. Thief? Don’t belittle me. I’m an architect of evil, the supreme overlord of all crime and a master of disguise. He only had a hat on. Now… I’d appreciate the diamond. What’s he looking at me for? I haven’t got it. Look, the Eye is back in Cairo. Actually, it’s been so much closer to heart than you realise. Miss Maddison, your brooch please. …but that was a gift from my boss. A boss that was working for me. I knew it, you’re an accomplice willing or otherwise. Okay buster, that’s it. You want a piece of me? It’s okay Tania, chuck him the brooch. The diamond in Mellish’s office must have been a decoy. Very smart Mr Barton, and presumably I needn’t explain why I guided you all here? He has is lined up to complete Nefahotep’s curse. Precisely. When the Eye is disturbed seven must die and yes, predictably, greed has ensured that the victims are mounting. Jamal Hassan Professor DuBois …and last night, The Commissioner. Merely disposable pawns. Hey wait, what killed Mr Mellish? .22 caliber bullet. Close range. Turns out, we all underestimated the Commissioner. Hang on, he’s forgetting Almas. So, with four out of seven bodies down,
I’m afraid your fate is written on the wall. I’ll see you in hell. …and I’ll see you… in memoriam. Alright Eddie, come on, do something. Okay Sheikh… Time’s up. Sorry. Goodbye. (Screams) To be fair, I didn’t see that coming. I’ll see you in hell, I’ll see you in my bloomin’ office when this over. Uggh (Groans) At last my beauty, you are finally mine. (From afar) Never, never, to be disturbed again… Show yourself… Time to hand that back. Is that… Dr Kipling?? (Banging on door) A simple goodwill trip. Get some sun I thought. Give a smile, a speech, handshake… …but oh no. Instead it’s good night Vienna. I haven’t even been to Vienna. Oh think positively Sir. We now know where the eye is and who took it. Yeah? I know who’s on my list. Eddie, I swear I’m gonna swing for him. Sir, even I didn’t see she had the Eye all this time. And that’s not all you’re blind to is it? Really? She isn’t a cat burglar, double agent, saboteur or terrorist. She’s just my wife! You know, if the service had known about that I wouldn’t have recruited you. If you hadn’t recruited me then you wouldn’t be where you are now. Yes! Terrific job there… So… the infamous Dr Kipling. You chose an
inconvenient time to return from the grave. It’s not my choice at all actually. Turns out you have to be pretty careful what you open up in here. Meaning? Untold riches, that’s the story Magnus used to tempt us down here. Great. He got his history and I, I got the wrong casket. Surely that isn’t… Not quite the holiday highlight I can assure you. So, while the rest of your expedition perished you were inflicted with… immortality? Quite. Now I hate trouble you old bean. but I’m afraid I’m going to need that back. After all the effort I’ve gone through to get it?
Certainly not. Oh trust me, my need is greater than yours. Why? Because despite the virtues of everlasting life, that Eye is a threat to my very existence… (Groans) Ohh, it’s happy hour back at the Camel Club. Yeah? Well it’s unhappy hour here. This is all your fault you know. And how was I supposed to know our host was…
no great sheikh? I knew I couldn’t trust that man. That hotel was never four star. Yeah? But right now I’m thinking he had the right idea. Spare the world from your pompous ass. Well that self-styled criminal mastermind won’t get the better of me. Don’t you think he already has? I’ve got tricks up my sleeve too you know. A simple dungeon. There’s a way in. There’s a way out. Hopefully. Eddie tell him. It’s probably just logical. Let’s see… Aha. The wise old owl. Of course.
Now just give it a little… (Distant mechanism) Well that shouldn’t happen. Oh genius. Well it might stop in a minute. Now just hang on… When the sands of time are dwindling, you must seek the key. There… The Ankh. The key of life. …and our way out of here. Easy when you know how. Ha, still took you 20 minutes though didn’t it. It’s true the Egyptians were aware of the vampire menace, so they found ways to protect their pharaoh’s souls for eternity, at night as well as day. See this inscription? Beware the Eye of Amun-Ra. Yes I know… the curse… You know nothing. “Beware” was never meant as a warning to mere mortals. Read on… Ah, a gift from the Sun God. Ingenious. But why remove the eye at all Dr Kipling? Surely it was out of harm’s way right here? Maybe, but if we found it others soon would too.
There’d always be a risk of it being used against me. I see. So your safeguard was donating it to the museum away from that transcription. Exactly, but as I have said old sport… time to hand that back. Over my undead body. What? Who do you think it was that bit you in the first place? (Vampire hisses) (Running footsteps) So which way? Er, let’s try down here. ‘bit dark isn’t it? Ooh Hey Sorry Anybody got a light? Let me check my handbag. (Match strikes) You two stay here I’ll go and have a look around. (Distant roar) Sounds like our old friend is back. What? Oh wake up love. It’s just the Sheikh’s way of giving us the willies. Guys, come here. Look… Just as Professor Dubois said. The faces of the Damned. Is that supposed to be me? They could have given me more hair. Trust me, that’s as good as it gets. Well they didn’t even do you. Draw your own conclusion… All I need now is something to make a mark with. Here, use my eyeliner. You know, I think we should make that handbag standard issue. (Distant roar) Eddie, you’d better hurry.
Rockin’ Rameses is coming to town. Sir, go check outside. See how long I’ve got? Huh, check outside. I can check outside for nothing. I must be a chump for taking in this sh… (Roar) You’re gonna need a bigger bag. (Roar) Stall him sir, I’ve nearly finished. Stall him? Have you seen the size of him? Just another few strokes… Eddie hurry… Done. It’s a no Rembrandt, but it’ll do. Oi! Elastoplast. Look at this. (Heavy breathing) (Quizzical grunt) Wow, he’s going… That’s it. Run away then. So where’s he off to? Well with any luck I know… and I think it’s safe to follow. (Vampire hisses and grunts) What’s happening? Prepare yourself. It looks like a vamp-off. It’s a what off? Agghh… Jeez, mummies, vampires,
what time does the wolfman show up? Sir, help me with this grate. (Straining) (Roar) (Heavy breathing) No, no, Nefahotep stop. No! (Scream) You bandaged buffoon. It’s them you should be after. Huh? (Falling scream) Ah, all your meddling makes me see red.
Red like fresh blood… Eddie… Sir, get Tania safe. It’s going to get nasty. Colonel, do something. Well, err… Jeez, you’ve got to protect Eddie… (in his head) …intensify the wavelength… …it has a power… …ultraviolet spectrum… …truly immortal… … the supernatural… …wouldn’t want to catch it in the wrong light…. … the wrong light …the wrong light… Now, before he’s bitten… Sir… Right, take that! Nooooooo! What the hell happened there? Amazingly he’s saved our lives.
How on earth did you do that? Well it was all in the security system manual. What was? Er, are you saying that when a moonbeam strikes the diamond it transforms into a ray of sunshine? Yep, one midnight flash from that nugget and it’s… …curtains for vampires. Wow. And it didn’t take me 20 minutes. Hang on, what I don’t understand is why the mummy joined in? Because the Sheikh made one crucial mistake. He thought the seven victims were random. He didn’t know about the wall? Precisely. I simply changed the faces. You mean you graffitied your way out the curse? Well it worked didn’t it? So, who was the dude with a hat? Dr Kipling. The guy that brought the Eye to Cairo… But I thought he was last seen nearly a century ago. How on earth did you expect him to still be kicking about down here? Well he was never seen in daylight, never photographed and had no recorded death. All classic signs of a vampire. Really? You got it from that? Well, that and the fact that the museum cafe didn’t serve garlic bread. Eddie, you may not be the best detective but deep down, you’re really quite a dick. Oh God… (Sweeping music) (Clearing of throat) You know Colonel, maybe… …maybe I misjudged you. Well, um, thanks. Um, your bag came in handy too. So sir, home? Hotel! …and in conclusion I am proud that is how British ingenuity and courage has brought the Eye of Amun-Ra safely back to Cairo. Which you can now see for yourselves. (Claps) In fact, one could say that makes us all “Eyewitnesses”… (Laughter and clapping) Now, any questions? Er, Daily Tablet. Yes sir. Er, just one query. I understand that agent Barton saved your lives with as Miss Maddison described, err… ..”some pretty nifty doodles”… Her words, go on. …and if I’m correct this curse requires seven deaths? That seems to be the number. Well as you report it was the Eye that saw to the Sheikh. Yes, dissolved him like sugar in a cup of tea. Then, surely the mummy had nothing to do with his death? Yes, that means his curse has only killed… Six! Eddie, they’re right. The maths don’t add up. Err… Oh so what. That mummy’s stuck at the bottom his tomb. We won’t see his like again for a thousand years. Ahhh…..ahhh… I’m not so sure. (Crash) (Roar) (Crowd panic) Listen up Eddie. Next time we get invited to some shindig a far-flung city do me a favour… Yes sir. Just make sure it’s nowhere near… Car-Roh! (Roar)